Tuesday, October 31, 2006

One Hunded

Well, well, well. Back in March when we thought about putting our silliness up online, I’m not sure either of us thought we’d be happy to fill up 100 pages of worthless drivel. And yet, here we are, 100 posts from there, and still nowhere really. I mean, what’s 100. Like 2/3 or 1,000 or something probably. But really its nowhere. In human years it means its time to roll over and die soon. In dog years it means you’re already chilling with a thousand virgins who like to feed you grapes or doggy bones as it may be.

But in blog years, it means we’re just learning to walk, as is evidenced by looking back to some of earlier posts. Which, just for shits and giggles, is what we’re gonna do. Then we’re gonna celebrate by baking a cake, or getting baked, either or. Either way, here’s what you’ve missed if you’re just tuning in right now. ((In our best sports announcer’s voices, “If you’re just joining us, WELCOME…”)) ((so stupid)) - B.C.

1. Handsome Man of the Week

2. The Realities of a Two-Sided Coin

3. Friends Forever

4. Tekka Don and Rogan Josh

5. All-You-Can-Eat-Indian

6. Two Times The Love

7. Self-Esteem Spa

8. Self-Loathing Sunday

9. HBCC’s Handsomest New Yorkers

Part 1
Part 2

10. Deep in Rico Droppin 5’s

These are only 10 of the hilarious and absolutely genius posts that have gone up over the past few months. I challenge all of you (except senor sexy) to go back and read every single post we have written and rank them 1 – 100 in order. What???? You haven’t read a single word we write but graze through our pictures to see if we have stolen them from your site? Well then I say good day to your sirs! HBCC is the original blipster site of authentic sweetness. Yeah, I said blipster. Blogging Hipster. Got a problem with that. Well, I do cause that is the most ridiculous hipnerd speak that I have ever seen. Hipnerd = Bobsled n’ Handsome. [Media Sled, can you put up a nice picture to represent what hipnerds we are?
no, sorry, can't find shit on this Internet]

Thanks for making us the mostsuccessful (4 hits a day…fuck) blipster hipnerd’s on the net!

"Yes they deserve to die!!! And I hope they burn in hell!!!"
- Samuel Jackson

Friday, October 27, 2006

2 Buck Weekend

Sorry I havn't been around much these past few days. I have missed you all. Where have I been? Thanks for not asking. I can now proudly say that I no longer live in Midtown. I live south of the Border Baby! (below 14th street). Can we Call that New York's "South of the Border" from now on? I think that would be great. I could sell fireworks and overpriced shit to families and watch Dad squirm at the $1.00 pay bathrooms. Maybe we should just call it HBCC south of the border. Hey Bobsled, can you draft up a nice photoshop of what the HBCC south of the border would look like? HBCC South of the border bumper sticker? A Must! Sooooo, what else. Hmmmm. Oh yeah, i am broke as shit. If any of you see a brotha walking around (sadly not struttin) lookin all hot n' handsome but with no drink in hand. Go buy him a PBR and Rail shot cause that is my broke ass this weekend. Atleast I picked up a case of 2 Buck Chuck. Moving blows. Living HBCC South of the Border......Priceless:

Enjoy the Weekend South of the HBCC Border

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

america's most blunted

So how many of you out there picked up your little AM Metro this morning? Nothing like the smell of free news in the morning, eh?

Well, mine is still sitting folded and un-read on my desk here at HBCC central station, and what I couldn’t help but notice when I got back from my powernapbusinesslunch was this ditty on the Hungarian revolution celebrations that were taking place the other day, namely the cool ass picture of the people who actually went ahead and stole a freaking tank and then started driving it into the police lines. Did you see this? They stole a freaking tank?

According to the article, "At one point, protesters hijacked a Soviet-era tank that was part of an exhibit on the uprising and drove it toward police until officers rushed the vehicle and pulled out its driver."

I mean, was this just an extremely awesome, well-thought out, Detroit-esque performance by the Hungarian protestors? Or was this just an incredibly stupid mistake by whoever thought it would be a good idea to just leave the keys in the ignition of a fucking tank?

Either way, Handsome, I'd say we've got some early frontrunners for World's Most Handsomest Hungarians Of The Week...

Monday, October 23, 2006

handsome says

wwwwwwwhhhhhhhhat the fuck happened to the weekend...............

Thursday, October 19, 2006

even though what we do is wrong

Greetings. Today is October 19th, 2006. Captain Handsome has a doozy of a post already lined up for tomorrow, so please do come back for it.

When he told me that, I got all amped up and was like, "Well I’m gonna bring my AA game and write the fucking post of the century so we can be the killer one two knockout punch, like Journey opening for Def Lepard at Mohegan Sun. Are you ready to ROCK aaaannnnddd ROLLLLLLLL?!! Yeah baby, come on Connecticut make some NOIIISSEEEEE, I can’t hear you, YEAAAHHHHH!"

But really all I could come up with is some truly opening act shit. More like Sebastian Bach opening for G' n' F'n' R (Handsome's quality is more like GNR Appetite. Mine is that of Sebastian Bach on Super Group on Vh1.)

The Thursday List of Things I Was Thinking About This Morning…

1. You know how we prophesize about the burgers at Epsteins: they're the shit. Epsteins is on the corner of Stanton and Allen. On Sundays the burgers are 2-4-1 from like 4-11pm. And The Epsteins' Ale (kind of a nut brown type beer) and Stella Artois are always on tap. It’s the bomb.

But last night I had a burger from
Big John on Orchard Street. The burger was a little more expensive, but the fries were solid and the burger was gigantic. A very strong contender in the Stanton and Orchard burger wars. It was only my first time eating there, so I need some more time to study and research. But still…

2. Yankees fans that have now jumped on the Mets bandwagon are the worst. Fuck you die.

3. This morning I saw a big black woman in Ace Deli (28th btwn. Madison and 5th) wearing a t-shirt that read: Fuck you you Fucking Fuck. I was scared.

4. Big shout out to My Open Bar who gave me and Senor the head’s up on the Drambuie Den. Let me start by saying that Drambuie sure does suck. But, not quite as bad when it’s free. I had four Drambuie and sodas in a one hour period and that was just about all I could take of the taste. But damn if I wasn’t drunk by the time I stumbled out of there. Throw in the fact that there was free food, complimentary shaves, massages, manicures, pedicures and shoe shines, and this event was the shit. A lot of people there looked like they just came fresh from hedging some funds and whatnot, but still, just roll up in there HBCC style and you’ll be all like Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street to those girls looking to let their hair down and get a bit, ‘crazy’. The events are also going down on the 23rd and 24th of this month as well.

Instructions via
My Open Bar: Go to www.signaturespirit.com, then to the Drambuie Den page and look for a dimly lit painting above the two armchairs. Click on it and RSVP for this crazy event.

5. I have to go to the bathroom.

6. I saw a commercial the other night where two guys are running out the door to go to KFC, and the one dude’s girlfriend is on the phone, so they use hand signal to communicate whereby the dude asks her if she wants something from KFC and the girl responds by making a sort of hand-over-hand stacking motion, meaning, of course, KFC FAMOUS BOWLS!

Ladies, if you are also a fan of eating frequently at places like KFC or Taco Bell or Wendy’s, and you are under 200 lbs., and play beach volleyball in the nude, please call me at 1-800-DON-KEYB We have a LOT of catching up to do.

7. I think I’m going to grow a mustache again.

8. My friend just sent me a greeting card from Gbehh. They have some of the funniest greeting cards you’ve never heard of. Seriously. Take this for example:9. cHheeeEEEeeeSSSsssEee-ah

Monday, October 16, 2006

i add a 'motherfucker' so you ignant n*ggas hear me

I was reading Handsome's birthday post from the other day and thought, "Damn, we just do not give Daryl Hall and John Oates, two men who could be considered HBCC fore fathers, enough face time around here."

Tonight's post is brought to you by the letters H and O and the number 4,578,824,524,611

And this one is building on Handsome's cat post from yesterday, going out to every Tigers fan worldwide -- WE'RE GOING TO THE MOTHERF*(KING WORLD SERIES BITCHES! (handsome, you just knew I had to say something, right? at least this photo is cattastically retarted. i know you love it)...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

New York Loves Pussy------------------------------------- cats

Happy Weekend Friends. I am knee deep in one hell of a fun overnight shift here at my trusty hotel. Flourescent lights, business suit, reports, credit card batches, and luckily a few drunk guests just make a Saturday Overnight Shift the best place to be on the weekend. Screw drinking, mingling, talking to girls, girls walking away from you, spending hundreds of dollars, and dancing to NAS (circa 5am) at Bobsled Headuarters. Work is where it's at y'all. I just had one of the bellman bring me a free coffee. Beat that partyfags.

Speaking of beatings.......I narrowly caught a beatdown by my 6 foot 4 inch black security supervisor for researching the below piece for the weekend. With out further adooooooo

This weekend at New York's Famed Madison Square Garden............No not Clapton, No not Tyrone Biggums vs Roy Jones Jr, Not even Wringling Brothers and Barnum Baily's Circus......Its The 100th Annual Cat Fanciers Chapmionships!

I know most of you trusty readers were there paroozing the herds of meow makers. I saw J$ was there just throwin' high paw like it was 1993! Good to see you there friend. Man o' man are these cats just the most beautiful creatures on earth! Seriously, I bet that is what motha fuckers at this show were sayin'. I wonder how Pam and Patty Catlover would love being called motha fuckers.......

This is probably the strangest thing I have seen in The Garden since The MELTDOWN of 1999 (phish show, gel taps, don't ask). Just sick ass crazy cats all over the place. Prancing and purring like one of grandma's wet dreams. The best part is that it is not over, there is still one day of catmania left! Here is the Juice:

CFA Cat Championship, Madison Square Garden, Saturday and Sunday at 10 a.m., $15 ($13 children).

A catlover on the kick ass social scene at the CFA's:
"If you look at media hits, we've actually started to attract more attention," Delabar says. "But I went to Westminster last year and it was a lot of fun. Dog people and cat people party just as hard." Hearing that quote is like the time in high school when you heard one of the band geeks from the brass section state that they just had a raging party with the badasses from the Woodwinds.

Happy weekend from Captain Handsome....Fuck Overnight Shifts!!!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

how good is he? how bad you wanna know?

Refrigerator magnets. Brilliant invention. Truly brilliant. How many times have you been at a party, seen these silly little things up on the refrigerator and thought, "Damn, that girl is really fine, but I am definitely not drunk enough to try talking to her. Maybe if i stand here and rearrange these refrigerator magnets until either a.) she walks over here or b.) I'm more drunker"? That's just me? Oh, okay.

Well, regardless, Mr. Tough, refrigerator magnets inevitably end up as some dirty phrase. People always sit there and push them around for a while and maybe spell out something
clever, but after a certain amount of time, it's always more fun to try to write something dirty. I've heard some people say that peeling bottle labels is a sign of sexual frustration. Well peeling labels ain't got nothing on refrigerator magnets. And the magnets, coupled with your dirty thoughts, always have a way of doing so just at the right time when that person you were checking out from across the room finally comes into the kitchen and there you are, alone, playing with magnets on the refrigerator door and arranging them to say things like,

Or what about this doozy:At which point the unknown person gets completely weirded out, goes back to their friends and tells them all what a freak you are. That's just me? Oh, okay.

But, its not just at a part or in an apartment. The other day I noticed that the usually docile, tech-inspired magnets on the refrigerator in my office have now formed this little ditty:Wow. I mean, really, people. Geek? That is so not PC, although it is HBCC (College students: Your homework tonight is to write a dissertation comparing/contrasting politically correct (PC) and Handsome Bobsled, Captain Commando (HBCC). 500 word minimum. Seriously. You write it, we'll post it. handsome.bobsled @ gmail.com Good Luck.)

I know this is nothing new, and there are probably actual dirty word refrigerator magnets out there so people don't have to get out a Ginsu knife, cut out letters from perfectly normal words so they can spell things like, "sExeE Blond FUk BusCh light", but until I find those pre-written magnets, I guess I'll just make like everyone else and become that knife-weilding, refrigerator magnet ninja that freaks everyone the fuck out. That's just me? Oh, okay.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Nothin' to Talk Bout But Some Birthdays

Fuck apartment searching in NYC! Fuck it. Holy ballshit, what does it take to get some shitty ass small little place to keep my stuff while I'm handsomin' up the town. My lord, it is like going through the Mortal Kombat Tournament trying to get an apt in this fair town. Must be easier in Williamsburg or something, the hipsters always know best. Ok, thanks for letting me get that out. Onto our topic of the day.....

So with so much happin in the city these days, I find that it is important to stop and take a minute to recognize the simple things like birthdays. I could not help but notice that today there are a plethora of super celebrity birthdays. Here go's:

1) Daryl Hall - 57
This super star helped coin the phrase "blue eyed soul" with super molado singing sensation John Oates. Not sure if his partner is molado, or even if this is the spelling, but after seeing our 3rd birthday candidate.... he must be. This blue eyed phenom is still rocking strong in Akron, OH county fairs and promsies to be for years to come. Daryl Hall and his kind of black partner just put out a rocking new album......Here is what they have to say about it

Call it a masterpiece, a labor of love or the beginning of a new tradition, Daryl Hall & John Oates released "Home for Christmas" on October 3rd, a beautifully recorded and heartfelt Holiday album. Released on their own label U-Watch/DKE Records and distributed by ICON Music Entertainment Services.

"We wanted to do an album that expressed the true spirit of Christmas, that of peace, traditions, family and friends coming together," says Daryl Hall. "The songs, some familiar, but adapted to our style, others more obscure, along with two originals, are about ecstasy, grace, poignancy, love and, of course, soul."

Shut the fuck up and play Rich Girl for chrissake!

2) Luke Perry - 40
Ha Ha, over the hill. Mr. Perry is know best for his amazing portrayal of a zombie lyzard in the 1991 epic thriller "The Invasion". Holy mess of a movie. Incidentally Kim Cattrall also is in the movie so you know you are going to see another 40 year old's tits. Gross. Anyway, how did Sarah Jessica Parker ever get away with Sex in the City without showing her bombs. We only got to see the pasty ass red head's and aging whore Kim's. Happy Birthday Dylan, err Luke. I never watched 90210, I swear. Ok, kiss my ass........I had sisters!

3) U-God - 36
Go a'head, throw your Dubya's in the air and let out a long ass WUUUUUUUUUUU!
Thats right its a Wu Tang Birthday. Yet another member of the Wu-Tang Clan reaches the high regards of living through another year (ODB, much love). U-God is not the most famous of the Clan as he was the 8th member to release a solo album. Born Lamont Hawkins (f'in awsome name, don't even know why he goes by a alies honestly) U-God has also been known to rap under the white boy scarin' names Golden Arms, Lucky Hands, Baby U, 4 Bar Killer, and Master Pookums. You should be lucky if you are on the list for his slammin' b-day party at Lester Washington's Condo on Staten Island. Holla at the Ugliest Wu..... I didn't say that. Shit, I'm dead

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

A Letter to Handsome

(Look what I done won son)

Dear Handsome,

Greetings from LA! Wish you were here with me. We would totally be meeting with agents, drinking champagne with super models, arguing about gas prices and the govenator, converting to vegetarianism (?) and driving everywhere. Alas, you and I are seperated by that vast land mass we sent Louis and Clark across so many years ago. The same land mass that Jefferson tricked the French in to selling (Disclaimer: if you are in grade school or middle school or even high school and you are studying for a history exam, any reference to historical events are 99% sure to be wrong.) America! Or, as my friend Charlotte so eloquently put it: the fly-over states. (Sorry, America. It is kinda funny though, no? No.)

Right, so anyways, Handsome, you would love it here. Chinatown was so awesome. Wongs and Koks everywhere. Palm trees everywhere. There are more skateshops here than you can shake your third leg at. Today I bought two hoodies (Chang Gang from Ten Deep, whatup suckas!!) and looked at so many fucking shoes I'm actually sick of looking at shoes. I also bought a mixtape. Yeah.

Like I said, you would love it here. Or maybe it's that I would love it here if you were here to tell me funny things and help me make fun of everyone. Like last night, we finished eating dinner (hot wings! you should have seen the looks of horror on the models faces.) we ran in to a friend of a friend. Lemme run down the convo (aka conversation) for you:

Hey (dude's name I don't remember, aka DNIDR)

HEY!!!! (super excited) First let me clear the air of a little gossip....(blah blah blah, suff I don't remember

Well that's great DNIDR, these are my friends from New York, Travis and Karl.

When you did you get in to town?

About 5 hours ago, and I've had a headache for about 4.5 of those hours.

(confused look) (weird laughter)

(deadly serious look of death)

Ahhh, and who's this friend? (he meant Judson, our other friend here in LA)

That's Judson, he lives here.

Oh really? What do you do? What school did you go to?

(walks away)

DNIDR did remember Travis' name out of all of us at the end of the convo. Probably cause he has a crush on him. (Holy moley, Handsome: I've only been in LA for like a day and I'm already writing screenplays. Someone get my agent on the phone! NOW!)

Whatever, okay, look, this letter: its taking forever. I'm flying home tonight on a red eye. Can't wait to be back. Let's start planning the most amazing Halloween costumes ever and then begin putting together the guest list for the HBCC Autumn Gala.

Snoochems -- Bobsled.

Here's some photos, mostly of Mr. America

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Self Improvement Saturday Manhattan Style

Bobsled, that is a most wonerful picture that you just posted. It really shows a dedication to S.I.S even on the west coast. But, back her in the Hattan we are doin' it HBCC Style. HAPPY WEEKEND FRIEND
Then I'm gonna take my little kitten home and do some romantic bathing......

but thats a different story. Happy Weekend.

raking in grands and breakin in mic stands

Self Improvement Saturday San Francisco Style Starts with Sparks - f*cking truckload of it

Friday, October 06, 2006

mad tricks up the sleeve

[Alright, thank you very much for bearing with us through the sports-centric week here at the HBCC. Promise, we won't make a habit of it.]

Well, it's the weekend. That means that I'm once again not in NYC, Handsome is working overnights, Senor is declaring a sleep boycott, Fabulous is prowling the streets for loose change stray cats, America is, by and large, safe, except for perhaps the 19th floor of the San Francisco Hilton which may be experiencing toxic, Chicken Vindaloo and garlic naan clouds very soon. (Ahhh, fart jokes. My ace in the hole when I can't write anything original.)

People: you've only got 48 hours to do something handsome this weekend. Maybe it will be helping an old woman cross the street, maybe it will be buying your friends a round of drinks. Maybe you'll get drunk and give that fat/ugly girl/guy a chance to get in your pants for once and for 3-5 minutes, make their dreams come true, only to drop them off at the corner of Front Street and Self-Loathing Misery Boulevard (out of all the streets names, I think I love 'boulevard' the best. street, road, lane, circle, avenue, etc. boulevard. that's where its at)

Whatever. Whatever it is you do, make like a Joel Zumaya fastball (103 MILES PER HOUR) and, er, go fast into a catcher's mit and then get thrown back to the pitcher and then do it all over again until the best lineup in baseball is retired.


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Point-Counterpoint: DET v. NYY

[Welcome back for more Point-Counterpoint: DET vs NYY The above photo is just a short addendum to Travis America's post from yesterday wherein he proves that he was, in fact, the proud owner of one Baltimore Blows T-shirt, although the gentleman seated next to him is his brother and not one of the nasty skanks or scaliwags he usually dates.]
[Well, I sent out a call to arms to my brothers and sisters from Detroit yesterday. And while they didn't exactly jump at the chance to write about this, ahem, 'compelling' series, one man bravely stepped forward. Pat D (for Detroit), part proprieter of the online store Down With Detroit today chimes in as yet another one of our illustrious panelanalysts. Again, that's Bobsled Commando, Captain Handsome, Travis America, and now, without further delay, Pat D...]

Alas baseball world! Why has thou forsaken me? I contemplated some whimisical writings before the first pitch was tossed out at baseball's version of Mecca, Yankee Stadium. However, I quickly backtracked and convinced myself to wait until after the game to pass any judgement on the teams playing. Without further a do, Not Freddie Ado you MLS fans, I give you my take...

This simply isn't fair. The Yankees, literally have a line up of all stars. Is there anyone that has not made the all star game on that team? Sit down Sal Fasano, no one cares about you, or your Keith Hernandez mustache! Fairness aside, this still isn't fair. We are playing a team that has A Rod hitting 6th! What a joke!

Jeter, I say this to you, isn't being the king of NYC enough? I mean, 5-5 with a jack against your home state team. What are you trying to prove anyway? Jerk.

Yankees fans, I leave you with this...V E R L A N D E R. You'll remember this one for awhile. He is gonna be talked about for years to come. He will be refered to as the one who won game 2, turning the tide in favor of the Tigers.

I said sit down Sal Fasano.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Point-Counterpoint: DET v. NYY

[Busy day here at the HBCC. The panelanalysts are weighing in on the Yankees vs. the Tigers series. Bobsled, Handsome and now Travis America weighs in with his thoughts on the big series. What you got T&A?]

Travis America: As a lifelong Yankee fan, I fully live up to the stereotype of viewing everything related to baseball with a shameless sense of entitlement. When the Yankees win the World Series, all is status quo. When they don't, it's a catastrophe. There's no in between. Consistent with this attitude is my utter lack of interest in almost every other team in Major League Baseball. I could give a fuck about the National League (except for the Mets, who I hate), and the only teams I really care about in the American League are the ones that pose a serious threat to the Yankees' World Series chances.

For example, back in the mid-nineties I purchased a t-shirt with "BALTIMORE BLOWS" emblazoned in big orange letters on a black background. Hard to imagine the Orioles could at one time elicit such hostility. (By the way, I wore this shirt at least once a week. I recently stumbled across some pictures of myself with my girlfriend at the time, all set to go out to some fancy party. She’s wearing a very tasteful black dress with matching necklace, while I’m wearing ripped jeans, the "BALTIMORE BLOWS" shirt, and a shit-eating grin. Yet today, I sit here completely dumbfounded as to how she could have dumped me. Honestly, it never crossed my mind that wearing such a shirt might bring unnecessary shame to those around me. What a fucking asshole. Oh, and I just realized the pictures are from 2001, not the mid-nineties. It was at least a five-year-old shirt. To the best of my knowledge, the Yankees-Orioles rivalry had pretty much dried up by then. Not to mention that if one were not a baseball fan, it would appear as if I was telling the entire city of Baltimore to go fuck itself. Nice job, Travis America. The next time you wonder why you only seem to hook up with ugly skanks or semi-attractive psychopaths, consult said photographs.)

Anyway, here's my point: despite my general disregard for non-Yankee organizations, I've always harbored genuine affection for the Detroit Tigers. I've been to Tiger Stadium a couple of times in my childhood, loved it, and have fond memories of watching the Tigers from the Yankee Stadium bleachers on the last day of the 1984 regular season, which was the last time the Tigers won the World Series. The guy playing right field was named Rusty Kuntz. I didn’t understand why everyone in the bleachers was razzing the guy so bad. Sometime last year I figured it out.

What I can tell you from years of playing Strat-O-Matic baseball is that 1984 Tigers team was stacked. Gibson, Whitaker, Trammell, Evans, Parrish, Morris, Herndon, Petry, Willie Fuckin' Hernandez, and of course, Chet Lemon. That’s how I like to remember the Tigers. So I’m glad to see them back in the playoffs as opposed to, say, Anaheim. Perhaps one day, the Tigers will rekindle the glory of years past. Just not this year.

Prediction: Yankees in Four (4)

Tigers Recieve Better Treatment at the Bronx Zoo

Point Counter Point.......Homerun A-Rod!
by Captain Handsome

I would like to start with an observation. I have never seen Yankee Stadium from an ariel shot like the one above. It makes me wonder what the fuck is with the 4 train!? Do they just run you in circles undergound so the Harlemites and Bronxers have more time to steal your ipod? Seems like some urban planning bullshit!

I digress. Yes fans it is finally that magical and best time of year. No Detroit it isn't golf season, you actually made the playoffs. I know you were really trying to make your annual Caribbean Golf Bungalow this year but hey losing 30 of your last 50 games just wasn't good enough. Good effort though. The Yankee's however, finished the season with the best record in baseball. The momemtem the Bronx Bombers bring with them will keep the yankees plowing over the tigers like a white millionaire in India.

The Tigers played like true warriors through the first half of the season. However, they decided to start playing like the Orioles do after every single All-Star Break. Sorry fella's, I know it hurts.
So lets get down to the nitty gritty. What have the Yankees got that will guarantee dominance and victory, you ask? Ching Chang

Chow Ming Whan, Proctor (can't stop thinking of Police Academy every time they call him out), Farnsworth, The Moose, Jeter, A-Rod, Damon, Giambi, Cano, Sheffield, Matsui, and of course the musical stylings of the multi-talented Bernie Williams. We love this guy here in NY.

Lets just look at it this way. I was browsing through some pictures of the bikes that Bobsled and I were shopping for previously (we were too poor to afford $50 bikes, that is impressive....err next summer) I found a few pictures that should sum up the series between the Motor City Tigers and The Empire State Bronx Big Apple Bronx Bombers:

I take the Yankees in 1!

(Tigers give up and go golfing after a 20 - 3 drumming)

-Captain "Donnie Baseball" Handsome

Monday, October 02, 2006

Point-Counterpoint: DET v. NYY

Hard to top the excitement of last week that was the first ever poetry week here at the HBCC. If you're suffering from any withdrawal symptons, you can revisit all the magic using this convenient list:
It was fun, and maybe if we get that popular demand sh(t on our side we'll open up the request lines and do it all again (Do it to me one more tiiiimmmeee, once is never enough...)

But for now we've got bigger frish to Bobsled, namely the playoffs. Yes, I said it, the Playoffs. I didn't want to say this but, The Detroit Tigers made it into the Major League Baseball Playoffs!

[Handsome: "Are you sure?" Bobsled: "Yes I'm sure, bitch!"]

Yesterday at work I was thinking, "If I was just picking my nose with the window shade open, do you think that girl in the building across the street who seems like she might be kinda hot saw me? And if she did, will she be able to recognize me in Starbucks tomorrow morning and then make a big scene like, "EW, that's the freak from across the street who picked his nose and then
ate it wiped it on a piece of paper before putting it in the garbage can!!""

But here at HBCC central we have this fancy little thing called a site meter (normally in PR-talk I would say: unique, robust, state-of-the-art, one-of-a-kind, life changing. but its not. its just fancy). And this site meter tells us how people find our website - a google search, a link, etc. Well, yesterday I was perusing the site meter and I found that recently someone linked to our site by Googling the phrase, "Sports Blogs for Kids." At which point this
housewife woman working from home while taking care of the kids (I see you women's lib) probably thought, "Oh this is great, just what I needed to help raise my children has happy, healthy, active Americans." And clicked this HBCC link. If you also just humor us and click the link you will see why this brings us great hapiness and funny laugh ha ha ha's. Thank you for visiting.

(Ohkay, I'm coming to the point) So I clicked this link. And yes its on the Yankees getting beat by the Tigers back in August, but then I read the comment from the most prophetic Handsome and thought, "Holy Isht. It's like he knew what was going to happen." And that was deep.

Today starts the playoffs. And just like Handsome said, its the Tigers of Detroit vs. the Yankees of the Bronx. Anytime there's a major playoffs (PLAYOFFS, such an important word!) in the world of sporting events, I always love all that ESPiN bullshit like, "We've assembled our key panel of analysts to help breakdown the series and tell us what the keys to this series be."

So I thought to myself, we should do this too. We should totally be analysts. We should throw a "
Point - Counterpoint Party!" So we're in the process of assembling the HBCC panel of panelanalysts to give us an insightful look at what the keys to the DET - NYY Series be.

I'll kick it off:

Bobsled Commando - Maybe if we were the Detroit Tiger Woodses I'd feel a bit better about this series. But as it stands, we are just The Tigers. And some of those 'Tigers' are the little pussy cats who rolled over to accomplish a record setting season for most losses, ever, just a few short years ago.

But my heart is true to Detroit. Detroit is the best. We're like the underdogs in everything, especially now that the American auto industry is in the toilet. We got a monorail (People Mover), casinos, insane crime levels,
DEVIL'S NIGHT (seriously, if you don't know about Devil's Night, read this), Yzerman, the best Auto Expo and one of the worst maintained freeway systems you'll ever see. Even Gridskipper was able to poll enough people to determine that most people find Detroit to be a more masculine city than New York. So, I'm with Detroit. Even if my gut says NYY, my heart says DET, and not just because I'll never cheer for a team with Alex Rodriguez.

Plus, hearts and guts aside, it has to do with the time that Travis America and I were in Las Vegas staying at the Mirage and we were walking by the cage for the white tigers and there was this crowd standing there watching the tigers, like families and all that, and one of the tigers walks up to the glass, stands by the edge of the pool, turns around in a circle, turns in another half circle, positions himself accordingly and drops two bowling bowl sized turds in the wading pool. Parents quickly escorted confused children away. We stayed and cheered.

Prediction: Tigers in Three (3)

[We're collecting opinions from other expert key analysts, hopefully before the game starts tonight. Check back for more today. Thanks.]