Monday, October 29, 2007

Dreamin' Bout Heavin' But Feel Like Hell

It's official. I am a traitor. Today I ventured into the dark depths of the California DMV. As my rent payments for my Union Square apartment (tear) are through I am officially not a New York Resident. That sucks because I feel that my NY residence made me better than the rest of the puff balls out here. I mean, I still rock the Giants Hat, drive like a madman, blast Biggie, and inevitably move the fuck back home but this is still a tough step for me.

All told, Santa Monica ran a pretty tight ship on the DMV department. Much friendlier than the New York lot at least. Only issue was that they made me take the drivers test once again. Shit, this could be complicated. Luckily I flirted with the test desk woman (think 47 year old 215lb black woma with purple fingernails longer than my tibula) and she smiled while sliding me the exam "This is the easy one sweetie....". My hospitality training and boyish good looks paid off once more. I rocked the motherfucker.

So I went to a NY Giants Santa Monica Fan Club meeting at a local bar this Sunday. Wow, was it lame. There were 8 guys in a quiet bar and 1 60 year old woman wearing a Giants hat. One of the awsome fans was reading a comic book. Jessica and I were not amused. I missed going to my favorite football bar for this? After 2 Fat Tires (10am) and a few texts to The Frey it was decided we would dip at half time. I of course told a lie, something about budget season and having to go to the office......whatever, we were the hell out of there. Straight out to my favorite Football Spot on the Promenade (not that gay place Yankee Doodle for you West Side Readers - all 0 of you). Much better, it was loud I drank a bitcher of dark ass beer and cheered on the rest of the Giants' shitty ass game. As my buzz was reaching a peak I see a few of the Giants Fan Club coming into the bar staring at me. Shit. The truth, why don't I ever tell the truth! One was not amused whatssoever (Mets Jersey and yamika) while the other was like, I don't bame you bro (bald, chunky, cheery, tequila drinking Shockey Jersey wearing). After I bought a few Beam shots it was all good. Either way, stupididty sturck again.....

Monday, October 01, 2007

Handsome Sports

Yes, that is LT seconds before he snapped the living shit out of Joe Theisman's pansy ass chicken let. Spaulding> I hope you still read the blog. Know you don't though. Dick. Redskins fan, nuf said. Ha Ha, Theisman actually signed the picture......for money. He's crippled and broke.

At the HBCC sports is seldom talked about unless it is from the 2am thursday night drunk ass ramblings from Bobsled after a nasty game of UWS kickball. Bobsled had a mowhawk. LT Had a mowhawk. Not a coincidence, both are bad ass mother fuckers. I know you are like, what the fuck.....this post is all in english. Jah, I am not a master at hipsterbonics like the sled. T-Rex Giants!

Oh right sports. The New York Giants are getting full support from the HBCC on the Left here. Last monday I had a meeting with the CFO of my company and could not talk because on Sunday, i got up at 9am and double fisted through the Giants / Skins (die redskins bitches) game. He asked if I was sick, I replied "Go Giants" in a pathetic hung over whisper. Then he ordered the Tuna Tartar.

Tonight the Higantes (spanich for the housekeeping team) (not a type-o) punished the Eagles like a kitten to the red dot of a lazer pointer. Pat Pat goes the paw. Down goes McNabb. Why the extra B? Bitch perhaps? So a quick shot to the moon for the NY Giants. So Blazed......

Actually, sadly, didn't take this>>

I also saw LCD Soundsystem at the Hollywood Bowl last week. Was so blazed in the lawn seats I just sat and imagined I was in Prospect Park.........then saw a bunch of Hollywooders talking poo on NEW..............(York). Jerks.

So My boy owns a Dispensory out her in the LA. Yeah, I have a free ticket to the 'Dam every day. I usually chill there after work on fridays where inevitably I visit the volcano with some rediculous OG. Wow, blog turned from sports, to cat in sports themed garbage can, to the dreams of my highschool/college days. Seriously, thirty + types of kittens to choose from, sheesh, and edibles. Holy god it is like T-Rex finding a My Little Pony!!!!!! Watched the UCLA game there yesterday and nearly lunched. Handsome out..................................MEOW

Oh yeah, I also let one slip from the Clip the other day @ Trader Joes (farted). I was walking with my cart towards some tasty Jarlsberg Cheese and crossed the Janitors Mop Jetstream. I slid suddenly and it provoked a slight toot from ole Powderfinger (yes, a neil young / anal reference....not as bad as you think)......I was imbarassed until I realized only a 38 year old Chinese Lady/Girl *38 is a tough year* heard me. I am pretty sure I winked and walked off. I actually think I grabbed the Jarlsberg, avoided eye contact, and Heisman'd my way through the next isle. Word.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


not sure if you've ever noticed or not, but I'm a huge fan of things that are just completely random. for instance, here I am, blogging, and I'm liable to just say...spaghetti and meatballs...for no fucking reason whatsoever.

just do it. that's nike's motto. mine is more like, it's just blogging, why be so serious all the time, or at all? it's kind of a long motto and it's more of a question that a declarative statement, but couldn't 'just do it' be interpreted as 'just do it?'

anyways, my favorite bit of randomness right now is dinosaurs. for a minute it was dragons, in honor of the most amazing movie ever made, dragon wars. but now it's talking dinosaurs. that's because my good friend clued me into these little babies over at

click to ENlarge and ENjoy.
HBCC love.

Friday, September 21, 2007

still looking for that sweet pair of 11 year old oakley BMX goggles?

well look no further mes hombres. these babies can be yours for just a cool ben franklin. he was never el presidente, but he was a super dope U.S. statesman, inventor, and diplomat. if only more Americans were out there gettin all Franklin-y up in this piece. we'd already have that shit renamed USraq.

anyways, weekend time is here. everybody's happy happy let's go get some crackers....ricky crackers that is:
got the low down on something super sweet? email it to

PS - big what's up to paris hilton who got her introduction to the HBCC wednesday night, shaking hands with the handsome one himself, or some shit like that. dude probably made that shit up anyways, but still, it's a sweet story that i've told to like no less than two people already...

(captain handsome not pictured here.)

Monday, September 10, 2007

HBCC Post #200 Says: Another Weekend Down the Drain

anybody else have to spend sunday morning drinking a bloody and crushing some juevos rancheros at the denver airport? didn't think so.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Listen'd to G'z and Hustlaz on the way home from work tonight.....

Must be the Mutha Fuckin HBCC Weekend! Football people. Men. Cool Ladies out there. Etc. So my first football Sunday here in Sweet Cali. Damn I am excited. I have joined the hordes of Jockesque Dungens and Dragons Like Men.........Yes I joined a fantasy football league. My first fantasy experment. Noone told me I would be in a draft for 3 and half hours. Christ! These dudes were serious with laptops, magazines, and tons of knowledge that I am sure held them back form sex for several weeks/months/years. I got some serious bawlers Shawn Alexander, Westbrook (fuck the eagles), Javon Walker, Shockey, Antonio Gates, and other assorted large men. Well, we'll see how this works out...........but who cares anyhow! College Saturday is already here and Sunday it's the big boys.



The first game starts. I have been fearing this fact since moving out here. Until my good friend Judson (yes, Georgia!) told me he too had the same fears and they are not necessary. He tells me of Football California Style. 9:30 meet at the bar. A bar by the beach. Eat Waffles, drink coffee, and crush a bloody. Then the game starts at 10 and you smash beers and watch 4 games at once. Hilarity ensues. Then you watch the next games. Thoughts of nude ocean runs jump into your head. Eat nachos and possibly a fish taco. Smash more beers. By the time the football ends it is just the afternoon so you go and pass out on the beach........or take pictures of you and a friend high 5'ing like fools. Its the weekend and the Captain's Out!
Oh Yeah.......Lets Go Big Blue!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

coupla jokes i've heard lately

Q: what's the opposite of christopher reeve?
A: christopher walken!

Asian woman to husband in bed: "What you wan do tonight?"
Husband: "I wan 69"
Woman: "Why you always want beef with brocorri?"

Ebonics update (cause we haven't had one of those ina while): Omelette
Let's use that in a sentence: I should pop a cap in you ass for this shit, but omelette that slide for now.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Happy Friday HBCC Nation!

My leftie friends here are starting to call me "Captain Comments". Do you feel this is a fair moniker? Do you have any comments on the following picture:

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Adventures of Henry the HBCC Hedgehog

Henry Parsons was a Hedgehog. Henry happens to be one of the baddest hogs' I have met since movin out here. I actually met Henry at a work retreat at the Luxe Hotel on Sunset but thats a different story. At first I really didn't think that much of Henry but he really turned out to be a cool cat......errr sorry hedgehog. So me and The Frey were wonderin' what to do on a Sunny Monday off in the LAAAaaaaaa. Well, I hadn't done the tourist thing since coming out here so shit, lets give that a try (Horay!).

So as we were gettin ready to load into Lequisha, Henry was like "Yo bitches, what about me". Well, hell Henry.................lets roll. To Hollywood we go!!!! After parking at the center of Middle America Tourist Bliss I get a bit excited. As we emerge from the undergarage the 90+ temperature starts to create tribute to Louisiana in my designer jeans. There is a guy dressed like The Cat in the Hat who must be very very envious of my jeans. I feel better. So not to get too sappy but we went to Mann's Chinese Theater. Henry picked out his favorite actor for a photo:
I have a nice photo of Steven Segal's square also. I will get that one up too, I know HBCC readers are rabid for a Segal Flick. Marked for death was the shit. I after a quick neslte tollhouse shop stop, watchin batman, darth vader, wonder woman, sponge bob, minnie mouse, another batman, and another wonderwoman we rolled to Griffith Park. Damn nice park I must say. A friend from West Point was golfing with some buddies and was giving us his Dodgers Tix for the night. Against the Nat's! Goooooooo DC. Holla East Coast. Game was mad fun however, the Dodger Dogs were quite disappointing. Luckily the Gordon Biersch Garlic Fries saved the day. That and a few Tall Boys. Anyhow, the Dogers won after bringing in Takashi Saito and it was the shit. That boy tossed a few 95 mile an hour heaters. Parsons was pleased...
Word, Tourist day with The Frey in LA. Oh yeah, we got some cotton candy and I rocked out some Selleck impressions..... (note Giants Hat, Down with the Redskins!)

Oh and Double yeah, here's Segal's cocky ass footprints.........what an Ass

Monday, August 27, 2007

I call litta the shitta

Its been a while since we dropped some feline friccasy on ya'll. Droppen hooks with super cat on Hollywood Blvd today......then its off to Rosco's Chicken and Waffles. We'll close out the day with a little Dodgers vs Nat'nls and a flask of beam. What are you doin' out there today HBCC Land?

Friday, August 17, 2007

Funky Cat's Gonna Be Miss'n Cause Bobsled Bounced from the Griffin

Holla out to the Brave one. Yes thats right friends lets give yea ole Bobsled some heart cause he pulled the trigger. Blam Blam have a nice day.... Wise beyond his days Karl has made a move. Ya'll know how hard it is to make a major life change? You see that shit in movies, on tv and in your dreams (is that a line from a journey song?) every day but have you had to do it yourself recently. I went through the grueling hell that is making life decisions. Shit even San Loco couldn't set me straight. Then make a decision and your life changes! So here you are in your moment when you don't know what's gonna happen. All you know is you pulled the trigger. So lets all give bobsled a holla holla white boy hand pump for his efforts. Of course you should have gotten a job in the LLaaaaaaa but thats neither here nor there. This is whats here:

So I was cruising out of work today, hopped in Lequisha (Lequisha being my cars name cause- she's a black saucy ass, baby, with junk in the trunk), and started cruisin' back to my home by the beach. Kickin' it to some mad CCR......bangin on the steering wheel and shit. I was in a great mood and looking forward to OG immediatly through the door. Then it hit me......fuck, am I not as young as I think I am? I know I have had this kind of moment before but I really started to scratch my head and think about it. I looked down at my tie while at the stop light at Venice and Abby K. Wow, it may be worse than I think............
So I bought a skateboard this week. Yeah, a skateboard. You may recall just about a month ago there were some references to my 29th birthday....nevermind.....I don't know why that even came up. I also remember my first skateboard to the tiny detail (Syms Erik Nash Edition with OJ2 Street Razor Wheels, and Gullwing Tucks (lyme green and pink broken glass style grilp tape)) and I worshipped the shit out of it. Then one day I went to the pond to swim and hid it in the woods........when I came back it was gone. I was heartbroken. It was only a month old. I never bought another one and lie about its whereabouts to my parents to this day (mom still asks). Boy would it have been awsome if I had actually gotten good at skateboarding as a kid. Possibilities are endless. Anyhow, I bought a skateboard this week. Also picked up a 175g disk. Also Flew a stunt kite at the beach. And then played a bob dylan song in my car while sporting a dylanesque quaffe........I hate when I'm right. Lets blow this Joint Lequisha. It's Friday bitches!!!!

p.s. Congrats to this weeks Big Buck Hunter 2.0 Champion: Bobsled! A thrilling victory over Mr. Howard in British Colombia! Keep up the streak

Monday, August 13, 2007

here comes sunshine

let's face it: way back before we were all ghostface and daft punk and pickyourownshoes, we were deadheads. patch pants wearing, mushrooming eating, hemp necklace wearing, stupid dance dancing deadheads. some of us younger than others, but all big fans nevertheless.

and as much as we (I) lament the slow and painful death of the jamband scene, there's no denying that slipping on an occasional Dick's Picks or Live Phish CD feels pretty damn good.

so, many THANKS to the peoples at Passion of the Weiss, The for serving up this tasty heady gooball nugget from 1973 (my favorite shit, with the Godchaux team in full effect, Keith - you the man, RIP; Donna Jean - wtf sometimes, really). (click and follow the above link to DL)

setlist reads like a gem:

Denver Coliseum, Denver, CO (11/21/73)

Me and My Uncle
Jack Straw
Big Railroad Blues
Mexicali Blues
They Love Each Other
Looks Like Rain
Here Comes Sunshine
Big River
Brokedown Palace
WRS Prelude
WRS Part 1
Let It Grow

Mississippi Half-Step
Playing in the Band
El Paso
Playing in the Band
Wharf Rat
Playing in the Band
Morning Dew
Nobody's Fault But Mine
Goin' Down the Road Feeling Bad
One More Saturday Night

Uncle John's Band


Friday, August 10, 2007

Dear Daft Punk,

Fuck you. I love you. KThnksBye

Missin' the Shakey Shake

So fuck me, i have been waiting for a true California disaster since moving out here. There was a nice little bursh fire that was pretty entertaining a few months ago by the Hollywood sign and thats it. Till last night........Around 1am there was a nice little 4.6 shaker. Finally some seriouis So Cal excitement. And I slept right through the whole damn thing. Didn't even feel a fart under the sheets last night. WTF, I have been waiting for a quaker and I sleep right through it. How big a rumbler do you think I would sleep through? Imagine if I wake up this morning and find the city lookin like an episode of 24?! Damn that would be sweet!

To add insult to injury I get texts, calls, emails from friends and family excitedly inquiring about the little earth indigestion. No no, I'm safe. Everyone seemed a bit disappointed.......God Damn I miss good ole East Coast Folks!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

pardon our motherf*ck!n dust motherf*ck3rs

sup cleaning up the ole boy. maybe the HBCC ain't so dead after all. maybe it's just on life support. like me. after running the NYC half marathon this morning.

know what sucks about the iPod shuffle? when NAS comes on at mile 6. WHO'S WORLD IS THIS?!! oh, wait, we still got 8 more miles to go. fuck me.

whatever, in the meantime, if you like the layout, leave a comment. or don't. even if you don't you should still watch. this is mel. mel is the pitcher for our travel kickball tourney team:

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Ha Ha

Bobsled has a crush on Annie

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

RIP Hamilton, RIP Van Winkle

something happens when you spend almost every weekend on the road. little things in your life somehow fall through the cracks. imperceptible cracks, until you've realized, "hey, i think i've lost something." or that feeling you inevitably have every time you travel - you're certain you've forgotten something.

that something ended up being the HBCC. not just the HBCC. my entire life looks something like Orachard street did just yesterday:
(don't fret handsome, they're just filming one of them motion picture things)

But yeah, the HBCC sorta took a nosedive. there was all sorts of funny stuff when we were in the same city hanging out. (well, at least to us there was) now there's funny stuff, but it's just over IM. probably not a bad idea to start posting some of those IM conversations just for the F of it. butt....maybe not

not only has traveling occupied a huge chunk of my time, but my love of kickball has eaten just about the rest of it. we put together a great team of kids to play in a tournament in the home of Freedom, aka DC, and we represented our country and the NYC in fine fashion. that's all i'm really gonna get into right now, but here's a photo of what went on...
(not really handsome, but its our blog and i'll brag about made up stuff if i want to, yeah?)

my parents came to visit the city one weekend. here's a photo of my mom with a storm trooper nerd:
(she was mortified, but i knew a good photo opp when i saw it)

made the trip to Portland a few weeks back. it's beautiful out there and the city has a really great vibe, with cool people and lush greenery, golf courses, mountains, all that shit you don't get here in NYC. something like this...
(we should get out to play golf some time handsome)

and then there's LA county...
burning brightly on the coast. your new home. Annie from OK's summer intern spot. for some reason i just can't seem to get it out of my head: all the good times out in LA county. the beaches, the food, the palm trees, the vader, the women...oh ma god, let me tell you the women. let's just say, i won't go in-to the details. the hot tub, the cubans, the vader, the beer, the eddy, the hollywood, the jimi tapes, the "you could be mine" trips through the corridor

its been all too much. too much to put into words and way too much to write on the blog. it's all a bit overwhelming really. maybe some day i'll get better at this blogging thing and write more frequently about all the cool stuff that happens to me, as it happens. but for now i've done a shite job and all i can do is sit back and think about it.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

RIP Bobsled Commando

God Rest his soul. I am all alone and my shitty american ass computer won't upload photo's to boot. When it rains it NY. Luckily I have taken some time away from the computer. I have experienced new things. I bought a bike. I blacked out on the beach. Presently I am also in training as the greatest beach paddle ball player ever born in Richmond, VA. Since my last post I have also learned the joy of the Fish Taco. Previously I was beefiffied. Now, fish me up motherfucker. Shaq was in my office on Thursday. No, really. He barely fit. A kitten was adopted for a day or two. That is until he tried to eat my pool ducks (Mr. and Mrs. Mallard). A new Thai massage place opened up accross from my apartment. It is right next to the Rogue Status store. Spend a whole motherfuckin day on that corner is what the man said. Vader Kush has made himself known....then unknown. Finally went to the Whiskey A Go-Go. Not a bad place. I pissed in the bathroom trash can out of respect for the metal past that has done the same for some 30 years now. Yes, I drank whiskey. No I didn't drive home. Not well anyhow. Went to an indian casino.........ran into a friend from JMU in VA. Wow, i thought he must be a loser as he was hanging out at an indian casino. he thought i must have been in one of the stage acts that evening at the casino (Linda Rondstat / Bruno Machavelli's Magic Comedy show).....or not. Turned 29. Bought a, quarter life crisis. kiss my ass, i live in venice bitches. Still listenin' to Ready to Die then Wheezer back to back. Spent $150.00 on a dinner for just me in Santa Monica. Brook Burke sat next to me. Her husband is a fat european slob. Why? Fired someone at work for sexual harassment. That was fun. Mediated a fight between two mexican laundry attendants. Learning to box......lethal mother fucker. Conviced some black out drunk guy to pay El Jeffe and my bar tab. Then met a girl that got dosed for the first time. She was a 35 year old lesbian. Swear to god, best night out here. Picked Bobsled up at LAX for a 2.5 hour layover>drank tequilla (4 shots/marg) with some insane dude at a mex restaruant> drove to my place> vader kush> jacuzzi and Cuban's> Biggie (2nd reference) back to the airport> by bobsled. Best night out here #2. Don't you wish I could post pictures instead of rambling on. Either way, kiss my ass. you win. i'm out. peace

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Enjoy your weekend hanging out with a bunch of Chachki's in some crowded bar..........

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

American Bobsled in London

(bite your fucking tongue before you start to make a fergie joke...)

sup everyone. your commando is off on special assignment right now, but i've taken a few pictures that give you a feel of the local flavor without disclosing my top secret location. shhhhhhhhh.

miss you all back in the states. i'm blasting my stones throw podcast and drinking johnnie walker green label (only $46 at newark duty free!) so as to not miss you too too much, but its hard. and not cause i'm watching porn like three times a day. sup stamina.

things are just super here. the language is much easier to learn than say french or spanish, so that's cool. and no i haven't had fish and chips yet, but i've still got five days to go.

that being said, its late here so lemme leave you with some photos....(annnnddd, this is news to who?)

(fellas fellas, i put my pants on the morning, one leg at a time, just like you....except, when i do, i make gold records)

(if the colenol finds out, he's going to be PISSED)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Ahhh The Weekend......Go Steal Some Shit!

[Verse One:]

My man Inf left a Tec and a nine at my crib
Turned himself in, he had to do a bid
A one-to-three, he be home the end of '93
I'm ready to get this paper, G, you with me?

Motherfucking right, my pocket's looking kind of tight
and I'm stressed, yo Biggie let me get the vest
No need for that, just grab the fucking gat
The first pocket that's fat the Tec is to his back
Word is bond, I'm a smoke him yo don't fake no moves (what?)
Treat it like boxing: stick and move, stick and move
Nigga, you ain't got to explain shit
I've been robbing motherfuckers since the slave ships
with the same clip and the same four-five
Two point-blank, a motherfucker's sure to die
That's my word, nigga even try to bogart
have his mother singing "It's so hard..."
Yes, love love you're fucking attitude
because the nigga play pussy that's the nigga that's getting screwed
and bruised up from the pistol whipping
webs on the neck from the necklace stripping
Then I'm dipping up the block and I'm robbing bitches too
up the herring bones and bamboos
I wouldn't give fuck if you're pregnant
Give me the baby rings and a #1 MOM pendant
I'm slamming niggaz like Shaquille, shit is real
When it's time to eat a meal I rob and steal
'cos Mom Duke ain't giving me shit
so for the bread and butter I leave niggaz in the gutter
Huh, word to mother, I'm dangerous
Crazier than a bag of fucking Angel Dust
When I bust my gat motherfuckers take dirt naps
I'm all that and a dime sack, where the payback?

[Verse Two:]
Big up, big up, it's a stick up, stick upand I'm shooting niggaz quick if you hiccup
Don't let me fill my clip up in your back and head piece
The opposite of peace sending Mom Duke a wreath
You're talking to the robbery expert
Stepping to your wake with your blood on my shirt
Don't be a jerk and get smoked over being resistant
'cos when I lick shots the shits is persistent
Huh, goodness gracious the papers
Where the cash at? Where the stash at?
Nigga, pass that before you get your grave dug
from the main thug, .357 slug
And my nigga Biggie got an itchy one grip
One in the chamber, 32 in the clip
Motherfuckers better strip, yeah nigga peel
before you find out how blue steel feel
from the Beretta, putting all the holes in your sweater
The money getter motherfuckers don't have better
Rolex watches and colourful Swatches
I'm digging in pockets, motherfuckers can't stop it
Man, niggaz come through I'm taking high school rings too
Bitches get stripped down for they earrings and bangles
and when I rock her and drop her I'm taking her door knockers
And if she's resistant "baka! baka! baka!
"So go get your man bitch he can get robbed too
Tell him Biggie took it, what the fuck he gonna do?
I hope apologetic or I'm a have to set itand if I said it
the cocksucker won't forget it

[Verse Three:]
Man, listen all this walking is hurting my feet
But money looks sweet (where at?) in the Isuzu jeep
Man, I throw him in the Beem, you grab the fucking C.R.E.A.M
and if he start to scream "bam! bam!", have a nice dream
Hold up, he got a fucking bitch in the car
Fur coats and diamonds, she thinks she a superstar
Ooh Biggie, let me jack her, I kick her in the back
Hit her with the gat...
Yo chill, Shorty, let me do that...
Just get the fucking car keys and cruise up the block
The bitch act shocked, getting shot on the spot
(Oh shit! The cops!) Be cool, fool
They ain't gonna roll up, all they want is fucking doughnuts
(So why the fuck he keep looking?) I guess to get his life tooken
I just came home, ain't trying to see Central Booking
Oh shit, now he looking in my face
You better haul ass 'cos I ain't with no fucking chase
So lace up your boots, 'cos I'm about to shoot
A true motherfucker going out for the loot

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

that's how it is, that's how its gonna be, kidz when you grow up, who the fuck you wanna be?

i gotta say whats up to my man on handsome island (leemme hold that) for showing me the most amazing time on sunday, to his girl for be supa down with my incoherent ramblings, to his girl's girl for being super hot and hanging out with me, to the pool for bein cool and the hot tub for bein you, for la fiesta burrito and fish taco, but moreso to campos tacos for bein the shit, to venice beach for bein the best...around, for the waves for crashin right where i could body surf a minute, to America flag towels and all of the tourists, and to PEGLEG NYC for that fucking amazing TANK OF DESTRUCTION pictured above and to REED SPACE NYC for selling that shit to me.....

words can't describe the kinna day we had. one.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Most Annoying Converstion in the World

Imagine hearing the worst conversation of your life over and over and over. Each time you hear it, it gets worse than the time before it. Ladies and gentlmen, this is now my life. I realized it on both my flight to New York and again on way back from New York. It was harken of the scene at the slovenly shrinks office in Office Space (Each day is the worst day in my life.....insert Ron Livingston looking like Mick Fleetwood after intercourse). This conversation is of course "The LA Conversation".

This is the worst conversation on Earth. Imagine yourself as a lap dog. Remember the first time you watched The Sound of Music with either your mother or 6th grade music teacher. Be Stephen Segal's Agent. All of the above embody my anxiety and hatred every time I hear this conversation.

I have listened to this exact same fucking converstion since I moved out here. Nearly every fucking single fucking day. I love it out here, but this is the 1 ( I mean #1) thing that will drive me to start a brush fire. Right next to that goddamn Sign.........So I bet you know what is coming but let me get to the crux of this fair nothing. I was on my flight to New York, sitting next to a 45 year old man with a nipple ring, and reading a hipster book (f-u i know you are thinking I am a cliche junkie for reading Chuck Klosterman on a flight to JFK). In a chapter entitled "The Sixth Day" Chuckie talks about the LA Conversation. Set at the pool of the Standard Hotel a no personality cheesefart waiter starts blabbing to some rockstar at his table wherein we learn of his desire to model, write, publish, network, party, infer coccaine use, party with B-listers at AREA, and move to Silver Lake because of the rocking grunge art scene.
Hearing someone else document the exact same conversation you have wanted to commit Sepuku to on a daily basis was very refreshing. I mean he hit the damn conversation word for goddamn word. Yeah I blasphamizeded but I believe the big man was behind me on the subject matter. This conversation most definitly was first started in Haites.........


After a refreshing weekend in the 'Hattan (and Jersey!) I was actually looking forward to the dry Japanese Farts blowing in from the pacific.........Until I heard IT! Behind me sat a 45 year old man dressed in Vans, designer jeans, a black button up with flames on it, sport coat, hair like boby dylan and a face that looked like Quentin Terrantino morphed with Bill Murry. He struck up a conversation with a 21 year old who grew up in Scranton, PA > Mooved to a DC suburb in Maryland before going to school for acting, getting finance from Pops, moved to the Valley, takes acting classes, gets head shots, networks, works in a muffin ship in West Los Angeles (insert hairless men wearing daisy dukes with rainbow patches on the backleft butt cheek), goes to parties, see's the guy from star treck at The Grove, met Jessica Alba, and is not pulling her amazing contacts until the right moment where she will thus launch her career.

5 Fucking Hours of this after 6 hours of flight delays! I only wished I was on the short end of Uma's Kill Bill Character's (note, not informed enough or well researched enough to remember her characters name) wish list. I have heard this conversation again today at work. I hear it every day. LA Bullshit Terrorism...........................You should be glad you don't live here......

Yo, on a different note, check out my new Air Jordan 1's Retro West Side Addition: