If you are fan of basketball and Photoshop, you should check this site and then sit back and keep your eyes peeled for his upcoming movie that may or may not feature music from the four and only Travis McGee and The Revelers. Well this guy, The Cavalier, this dude among dudes, being the writer that he is, also writes a ton of other stuff, including this little Jem (like the cartoon!) that I came across this morning. It basically outlines the guidelines for lining up hilarious blog posts one after another after another.
(right. done reading this? lets begin.)
1.) I went ahead and screwed up already. You might have noticed that, or you might not have and are going back and reading that again and thinking, ‘how could I have missed that?’ Right, but I’m still on track because what I’m aiming to do here, still, is extrapolate on these rules and I have no doubt that this will still be funny if I can do that. Alright, here we go, number 2…
2.) So this weekend I went to this bar called brauhaus on Avenue C for beers with a friend and her two friends. This Bavarian bar specializes in huge mugs of beer and pretzels: so many pretzels you wouldn’t believe. But I didn’t eat any pretzels. I just drank, and drank and drank and then started slurring my speech, fell off my barstool, stumbled blindly out of the bar and home again. I’m lucky I didn’t get Broccoli Rabe’d on the way home! Then I saw a homeless guy eating a hot dog with carrots and hamburgers.
3.) I know all about…the Photoshop
4.) On Saturday I woke up feeling hungover cause I’m a drunk. I went to Starbucks cause I love to support gentrification, had a bagel with cream cheese cause I’m a hate monger, met up with Travis at Epsteins cause he ruined my life but I still feel indebted to him for saving my life that one time when I overdosed six times in one night, met up with L-Ren and her family at Sea cause I’m bulimic, and then spent the rest of the night with Tom, Brian and Eddy because I have a shoe addiction and I cheated on a math test one time in the eight grade. Don’t judge – I’m a product of society.
5.) The real reason I hung out with Tom and Brian is because I thought I was gay for the night.
7.) Hmmmm, this is a tough one because I’m not entirely sure when the last time I saw an animal was. Um, well last night I had a dream that I saw a hammerhead shark swimming in a lake. It was a weird dream and the water was all dirty and the shark was like eating fish and then spitting them back out again. Does this mean that I’m gay? Or just insecure about my job title?
9.) It’s a pretty well documented fact that we drop the word fuck like it’s our job on this site. Its what makes me feel better about myself and it helps me feel important, so I’ll pass on trying to just go cold-turkey on the swearing.
10.) The one problem with this is that you’ve read the other post and now you know what’s coming in this post, like you’ve been to the future or you can fly or something. So you know that when this post starts going off on a random tangent about the joys of gardenia gardening
11.) This has proven to be a much more difficult task than what I thought it would, but I think that if there is one bit of knowledge that I can impart on you, dear reader, in parting, is that the most important thing is to prove that something is a much more difficult task than what you think it might be so that you can impart on me, dear reader, in parting, something that is very important and that you’ve learned from proving that something is indeed very difficult to do over.
12.) Ahhhh, the closer. Here’s where I come with a big finish and really seal the deal and skeet all over the icing on the cake. But admit that I’m a loser? Wow. I mean, this is like funny boot camp. Just break me down until I’m nothing and then build me back up again, a lean, mean, killing machine. Fine, I’ll do it. I’m a loser. Back in the early 90’s, I started a blog called Handsome Bobsled, Captain Commando and now I have a job that affords me some time to play on the internet during the day and I still lack a life so that means I can go home and play on the internet all night, and yeah, I’m a loser who constantly goes to Motor City Bar and points to the I-75 sign and says, “That freeway used to run right by where I lived at” cause my Midwest grammar learned me to end sentences with prepositions. I also partake in Self-Loathing Sundays on a regular basis, except for yesterday when I helped L-Ren move a fucking sofa fuck bed up four fucking flights of stairs and watched as stars formed in my eyes and heart nearly fucking exploded. But, whatever: at least I know I’m a fucking dork, unlike that dude at Harvard who reads our randomness as soon as his/her roommates go down to the courtyard to see if they can drink a gallon of milk in one hour. Losers. Go study some algebra, bitches! Allez bobsled.
sing the theme song: lists are great and lists are good/ i'd make a list every day if i could and would/ should you happen to read/ the yay sports page/ you might find my post funny/ or you might think that its gay