So it dawned on the Handsome-one and I while watching all that hot nation-on-nation action during the World Cup: they call the cleats boots! BOOTS! What the hell. We went to Epsteins this weekend and ate chicken fingers drenched in BBQ sauce (we asked buffalo-wing sauce asshole!!) to contemplate this strange phenomena and also to get really, really drunk and see if we could use our mind powers to make girls’ skirts blow up above their heads. We double killed some burgers and argued about the fact that the modern hotel sucks because your key always de-magnetizes and forces you to go down to the bell desk and say shit like, “I don’t usually complain….buuuuttttt” to which Handsome told me that I was such an asshole he couldn’t believe that we were actually friends. The absurdity and irony of said comment is worthy of its own post anyways, so I think I’ll just let that one go.Where was I? Ah yes, Epsteins. We ate burgers and drank beers and watched Germany laugh in the face of Portugal and then we decided that maybe our mind powers would be stronger in La El Sombrero drinking Margaritas (with a capitol M, no doubt). Well they weren’t. But our drinks were stronger, and our fondness of all things hipster also grew much, much fonder as we sat the faux bike gang gather across the street. (PS, La El Sombrero, also known to some as the hat on the corner of Ludlow and Stanton, sup tourists, still serves to-go margaritas. Just now they come in Coca-Cola cups instead of Styrafoam.)
Our fondness of all things hipster grew to be so great, we gathered up enough nerve to move forward with purchasing what might qualify as the two most horrendous pairs of BOOTS on www.pickyourshoes.com (lemme hold that). Whoever the hell reads this…I present to you:
Nike Dunk High Seersucker Edition (white / varsity red / midnight navy)Size 13 (*yes, ladies, I know all about, the secret garden) (**also dubbed, America Boots)
AND…
Nike Delta Force 3/4 Deluxe (aubergine / metallic gold / black)*This is a limited release in 2005!!! And do I need to tell you what the fuck. You. Can. Do. With. Deluxe?! DELUXE!! Better recognize deluxe when you see it bitches. Plus, you can't even fathom the power that someone has wearing shoes with Aubergine on them.
So, yes, the HBCC consists only of the manliest of men. (way above man laws) The kind who get together, have a few cocktails…er, drinks…and then get online and order shoes. And then fart about it. Don’t say shit cause when these boots arrive, as my friend so eloquently put it, "Naaa, holla and watch yo ass cause these Nike Delta Force 3/4 Delux's...are gonna rumble over, on, and through you".
(Just a short aside here: Bobsled does indeed have a bigger foot than Handsome. As big as the distance from the foot to the knee of Brooklyn’s own L Ren Ishii/Hubbard (the absurdity of our nicknames will soon only be rivaled by that of our secret handshakes which we will make known to the world via the power of cassette tapes…and videos. Straight oh-sixin ya’ll))(handsome: inside jokes, holla atcha aubergine mountain's majesty)
Anyways…god, what the fuck else did we do with our weekend? Um…oh that’s right…
sing the theme song: Friday at eddies then julep then thor/ and howard got us through the lotus door/ Saturday morning starts at two PM/ then we head down to epsteins to do it all, again/ Saturday night hadsome, straight up drank his drank drank/ Sunday belonged to Italians/ and I thought that stank/ singing: ohhhhhhhh what the hell/ ohhhhaahhhh no really what the hell
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