Tuesday, June 26, 2007

American Bobsled in London

(bite your fucking tongue before you start to make a fergie joke...)

sup everyone. your commando is off on special assignment right now, but i've taken a few pictures that give you a feel of the local flavor without disclosing my top secret location. shhhhhhhhh.

miss you all back in the states. i'm blasting my stones throw podcast and drinking johnnie walker green label (only $46 at newark duty free!) so as to not miss you too too much, but its hard. and not cause i'm watching porn like three times a day. sup stamina.

things are just super here. the language is much easier to learn than say french or spanish, so that's cool. and no i haven't had fish and chips yet, but i've still got five days to go.

that being said, its late here so lemme leave you with some photos....(annnnddd, this is news to who?)

(fellas fellas, i put my pants on the morning, one leg at a time, just like you....except, when i do, i make gold records)

(if the colenol finds out, he's going to be PISSED)

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Ahhh The Weekend......Go Steal Some Shit!

[Verse One:]

My man Inf left a Tec and a nine at my crib
Turned himself in, he had to do a bid
A one-to-three, he be home the end of '93
I'm ready to get this paper, G, you with me?

Motherfucking right, my pocket's looking kind of tight
and I'm stressed, yo Biggie let me get the vest
No need for that, just grab the fucking gat
The first pocket that's fat the Tec is to his back
Word is bond, I'm a smoke him yo don't fake no moves (what?)
Treat it like boxing: stick and move, stick and move
Nigga, you ain't got to explain shit
I've been robbing motherfuckers since the slave ships
with the same clip and the same four-five
Two point-blank, a motherfucker's sure to die
That's my word, nigga even try to bogart
have his mother singing "It's so hard..."
Yes, love love you're fucking attitude
because the nigga play pussy that's the nigga that's getting screwed
and bruised up from the pistol whipping
webs on the neck from the necklace stripping
Then I'm dipping up the block and I'm robbing bitches too
up the herring bones and bamboos
I wouldn't give fuck if you're pregnant
Give me the baby rings and a #1 MOM pendant
I'm slamming niggaz like Shaquille, shit is real
When it's time to eat a meal I rob and steal
'cos Mom Duke ain't giving me shit
so for the bread and butter I leave niggaz in the gutter
Huh, word to mother, I'm dangerous
Crazier than a bag of fucking Angel Dust
When I bust my gat motherfuckers take dirt naps
I'm all that and a dime sack, where the payback?

[Verse Two:]
Big up, big up, it's a stick up, stick upand I'm shooting niggaz quick if you hiccup
Don't let me fill my clip up in your back and head piece
The opposite of peace sending Mom Duke a wreath
You're talking to the robbery expert
Stepping to your wake with your blood on my shirt
Don't be a jerk and get smoked over being resistant
'cos when I lick shots the shits is persistent
Huh, goodness gracious the papers
Where the cash at? Where the stash at?
Nigga, pass that before you get your grave dug
from the main thug, .357 slug
And my nigga Biggie got an itchy one grip
One in the chamber, 32 in the clip
Motherfuckers better strip, yeah nigga peel
before you find out how blue steel feel
from the Beretta, putting all the holes in your sweater
The money getter motherfuckers don't have better
Rolex watches and colourful Swatches
I'm digging in pockets, motherfuckers can't stop it
Man, niggaz come through I'm taking high school rings too
Bitches get stripped down for they earrings and bangles
and when I rock her and drop her I'm taking her door knockers
And if she's resistant "baka! baka! baka!
"So go get your man bitch he can get robbed too
Tell him Biggie took it, what the fuck he gonna do?
I hope apologetic or I'm a have to set itand if I said it
the cocksucker won't forget it

[Verse Three:]
Man, listen all this walking is hurting my feet
But money looks sweet (where at?) in the Isuzu jeep
Man, I throw him in the Beem, you grab the fucking C.R.E.A.M
and if he start to scream "bam! bam!", have a nice dream
Hold up, he got a fucking bitch in the car
Fur coats and diamonds, she thinks she a superstar
Ooh Biggie, let me jack her, I kick her in the back
Hit her with the gat...
Yo chill, Shorty, let me do that...
Just get the fucking car keys and cruise up the block
The bitch act shocked, getting shot on the spot
(Oh shit! The cops!) Be cool, fool
They ain't gonna roll up, all they want is fucking doughnuts
(So why the fuck he keep looking?) I guess to get his life tooken
I just came home, ain't trying to see Central Booking
Oh shit, now he looking in my face
You better haul ass 'cos I ain't with no fucking chase
So lace up your boots, 'cos I'm about to shoot
A true motherfucker going out for the loot

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

that's how it is, that's how its gonna be, kidz when you grow up, who the fuck you wanna be?

i gotta say whats up to my man on handsome island (leemme hold that) for showing me the most amazing time on sunday, to his girl for be supa down with my incoherent ramblings, to his girl's girl for being super hot and hanging out with me, to the pool for bein cool and the hot tub for bein you, for la fiesta burrito and fish taco, but moreso to campos tacos for bein the shit, to venice beach for bein the best...around, for the waves for crashin right where i could body surf a minute, to America flag towels and all of the tourists, and to PEGLEG NYC for that fucking amazing TANK OF DESTRUCTION pictured above and to REED SPACE NYC for selling that shit to me.....

words can't describe the kinna day we had. one.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Most Annoying Converstion in the World

Imagine hearing the worst conversation of your life over and over and over. Each time you hear it, it gets worse than the time before it. Ladies and gentlmen, this is now my life. I realized it on both my flight to New York and again on way back from New York. It was harken of the scene at the slovenly shrinks office in Office Space (Each day is the worst day in my life.....insert Ron Livingston looking like Mick Fleetwood after intercourse). This conversation is of course "The LA Conversation".

This is the worst conversation on Earth. Imagine yourself as a lap dog. Remember the first time you watched The Sound of Music with either your mother or 6th grade music teacher. Be Stephen Segal's Agent. All of the above embody my anxiety and hatred every time I hear this conversation.

I have listened to this exact same fucking converstion since I moved out here. Nearly every fucking single fucking day. I love it out here, but this is the 1 ( I mean #1) thing that will drive me to start a brush fire. Right next to that goddamn Sign.........So I bet you know what is coming but let me get to the crux of this fair nothing. I was on my flight to New York, sitting next to a 45 year old man with a nipple ring, and reading a hipster book (f-u i know you are thinking I am a cliche junkie for reading Chuck Klosterman on a flight to JFK). In a chapter entitled "The Sixth Day" Chuckie talks about the LA Conversation. Set at the pool of the Standard Hotel a no personality cheesefart waiter starts blabbing to some rockstar at his table wherein we learn of his desire to model, write, publish, network, party, infer coccaine use, party with B-listers at AREA, and move to Silver Lake because of the rocking grunge art scene.
Hearing someone else document the exact same conversation you have wanted to commit Sepuku to on a daily basis was very refreshing. I mean he hit the damn conversation word for goddamn word. Yeah I blasphamizeded but I believe the big man was behind me on the subject matter. This conversation most definitly was first started in Haites.........


After a refreshing weekend in the 'Hattan (and Jersey!) I was actually looking forward to the dry Japanese Farts blowing in from the pacific.........Until I heard IT! Behind me sat a 45 year old man dressed in Vans, designer jeans, a black button up with flames on it, sport coat, hair like boby dylan and a face that looked like Quentin Terrantino morphed with Bill Murry. He struck up a conversation with a 21 year old who grew up in Scranton, PA > Mooved to a DC suburb in Maryland before going to school for acting, getting finance from Pops, moved to the Valley, takes acting classes, gets head shots, networks, works in a muffin ship in West Los Angeles (insert hairless men wearing daisy dukes with rainbow patches on the backleft butt cheek), goes to parties, see's the guy from star treck at The Grove, met Jessica Alba, and is not pulling her amazing contacts until the right moment where she will thus launch her career.

5 Fucking Hours of this after 6 hours of flight delays! I only wished I was on the short end of Uma's Kill Bill Character's (note, not informed enough or well researched enough to remember her characters name) wish list. I have heard this conversation again today at work. I hear it every day. LA Bullshit Terrorism...........................You should be glad you don't live here......

Yo, on a different note, check out my new Air Jordan 1's Retro West Side Addition:


Friday, June 08, 2007

stop me if you've heard this one already...


Wednesday, June 06, 2007


hi, HBCC is easily amused.

usually i find the fire packets from taco bell to be kinda stupid, but the third one from the right (second from the left) in that picture there...well, it cause me to laugh out loud (LOL) today.

i can't exactly figure out why it did. also, the second one from the right (third one from the left) about films: that one reminded me of Handsome out there in Venice, just down the road from Studio City and occassionally going home to his new beau who starred in a film.

jesus christmas - does this mean that the HBCC is one degree separation from famous people now? this could be the break we've been looking for...

oh, and if you're keeping score at home, i had a steak grilled stuffed burrito for lunch. IT WAS FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC MOTHAFUCKAS!!! (said like samuel jackson)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

quit tryin to save my soul, i wanna roll with my homies

know how girls are always so freaking good at making invitations, plans, girly stuff that screams, "we're like totally having a party!!"? the hbcc isn't as good at it as they are...

but, as the above photoshop masterpiece indicates, our good friend tom is coming to town. for all the drinking you can imagine on a thursday night. And then leaving us for jersey. And then coming back to us like to prodigal handsome for another day/night of how much drinking can you handle on a sunday. VineyardGate '06 Stilo...

HBCC. power. POWER. the liver pep talk is vital this week. liver pep talk and game plan. both will be necessary. neither are in place, as of yet. but like the last time i packed for a 10-day trip, i will wait until the last minute to do everything and then completely fukitup only to have things turn out okay. if you've got any leads on something freaking awesome going on thursday night, please let us know.by the way, who watched the sopranos on sunday? how freaking funny was the part where the guy on the motorcycle got run over?! as you may have noticed here, we're a big fan of non-sequiturs and things that are completely random and unrelated. and so the painfully obvious scene of the guy on the motorcycle (which looks very similar to the one above. it also looks very similar to my uncle bobsled who loves do-rags (or is it dew-rags?)) which had no bearing on the episode whatsoever (for those of you who haven't seen it) made me laugh out loud during an episode which otherwise had me not laughing out loud, but clutching my blanky very, very tight.


Friday, June 01, 2007

i make a party of all lefties leave em screamin out all right

Cat Friday Just Keeps Rolling Along

HTFO. I'm not sure how much sense I'll make with this post - I'm not entirely confident I've made any sense at all for the last 12 hours or so - but i'll take a shot at it and let's see how it comes out.

So we have a few choice phrases around the kickball way that add a little je ne sais quoi to the dialect, in particular to the messageboards that we so dearly love. Anyways, there's another dude who came up with all our code language, if you will, but if you try hard enough, you can use it to.

One such phrase which accurately depicts my feelings this morning is HTFO: Hung The Fuck Over. This follows a night of my team forfeiting and then some binge drinking and then me going home and Pasing The Fuck Out (PTFO).

Seriously. I feel bad for anyone I might have breathed on on the subway, cause I know my breath smells like a bar floor after someone puked on it - not that i puked last night; I just didn't eat any dinner so there is absolutely nothing preventing the slowly (and painfully) still digesting beer (along with a shot of Jack and a shot of Patron) from making its way from my guts to my mouth in like zero flat.

The worst part is that I just ate a breakfast sandwich and I think that's making the room spin again. HTFO Fridays, Self-Improvement Saturdays, Self-Loathing Sundays. HBCC. One