Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Realities Associated With A Two Sided Coin

Its Friday night and I am steppin out. I look good, handsome to be exact, and have 3 pretty ladies on my arm. Just another night kickin hard in the hatten. It's just me, my girl, her sisiter, and her sisters friend floatin' down the street lookin' for trouble. You guys know this feeling. Atleast I hope you know this feeling. Ok, fine if you are reading this you probably don't know this feeling but have imagined it a thousand times. You are welcome. I know, I have been there. But I digress cause now I am here. So I am pimping down the street with three ladies dressed to the 9's. These two brotha's on the corner throw some respect in my direction "damn look at big pimpin' workin all the ladies tonight". Hell Yeah! All of the sudden a crystal cane pops in my right hand, my outfit goes to velvet, and the strut is out like Ron Jeremy with a button fly. Nothing like cruising the streets with some beautiful girls on your arm. What a night! However, with every coin (be it silver, gold, bronze or plastic pokemon) you will find 2 sides. I learned this the following saturday. I wake up still feelin the buzz of a good Friday night out as the only male protector of the ladies. Hell yeah, today is gonna be great. We will get some brunch, maybe a few bloody's, puff a bit, and basically waste the day. Wrong. All of the pimping and self esteem that I had gained the night before would quickly be drained from my soon to be limp manhood. See, girls......ladies.....well, they don't like to get drunk and waste a day. They like to do things. Productive things. Sweet Things. As the man may rule the night the ladies dictate the day. Soooo what did my ladies have planned for me instead of sloth and inebriation? Shopping.......nope. Sight Seeing......nope. Botanical Fucking Gardens. Yeah, I am not kidding. After a quick $12 Metro North Ticket I am on 200th street in the Bronx. This is some foreign shit for me. Then a leisurly 5 hours in the gardens. Looking at exhibits like Lailac Lane, Rose Garden, Spice and Herb Corner and The Tulip and Testicle Vise Grip Center. All in all I must admit that it wasn't too bad and I kinda had a good time. It was a tease imagining all the tigers and snakes and shit next door at the zoo. Maybe next time. Either way, don't forget that no matter how much like "THE MAN" you feel with a bunch of women, you are still with a bunch of women. And eventually, they will impose their womanly needs on you. Good luck, and don't forget to smell the roses. - CH

Monday, May 29, 2006

like written wouldn't be past tense without the pen

i've got good friends. if you walkin down the street you better big'up and see. one love, two sauce, till nineteen ninety three.

Friday, May 26, 2006

So I thought I was smooth taking my date to the ballet....

Don't even try 3rd base!

Handsome Man of the Week

Sometimes theres a man......a man who cuts through the shit and just does it. You know the kind, the guy that says "screw it, I am gonna pinch a hornets nest with my ass". A hero of his time. Today we salute one of those men. A man of vision. A man who says hey Atkins, didn't you die of a heart attack? This man is Colonel Sanders. Yes, thats right fat ass. You already knew that didn't you. How in king shit's kingdom was the Colonel so in touch with America that he devised the Colonel's "Famous Bowls". Mash - Check. Corn - Check. Fried Chicken - Check. 3 Cheeses- Check. Gravy - BIG CHECK. If you are single and have low self esteem, there is the final nail in your coffin. I was thinking about trying this boehemith myself however, I couldn't find anyone to order one for me. What, you think I am gonna risk someone seeing me get that. Kiss off. Either way, Congradulations to our Man of The Week. I haven't had one yet but feel a certain pride in America just knowing its out ther. We salute you Colonel Sanders. A true American Hero.

its the odb as you can see

awh made you look

There are things that need to be said or observed from time to time. This will be neither or those times, nor will it be the place. In fact, hopefully nothing important will ever be said here. But you can be assured that the first post will be an introduction and the rest of it will be what you make of it. Namaste. Good luck. Godspeed. Guaransheed.

Blogging at work is a cultural phenomenon that may in fact be the downfall of the modern corporate culture to this point. And yet, in many ways, its managed to create for itself a separate niche industry, whereby news reporting is obsolete and minute-to-minute updates keep us all painfully glued to our computer screens and acutely aware and abreast of the coming apocalypse.

In my opinion, what contributes to our office’s overall cultural success is something we refer to as burger Fridays. Everyone must eat a hamburger/cheeseburger come Friday. No questions asked; no excuses.