bust a nut inside yo eye, to show you where i come from

yesterday your man bobsled went swimming (yes, okay, swimming. it is not suitable weather to participate in a winter olympic right now, nor is it healthyy to partake in any activity with a nickname derived from such a sport every night) ahem, anyways, i went swimming...INA PUBLIC POOL. i guess there's nothing really that spectacular about that, except for the fact that the water was kind cloudy and it was really warm, like a bathtub, or like after a million little kids peed in it not just an hour beforehand, AND SOME OF THAT WATER WENT IN MY MOUTH. (have i succeeded in grossing you out yet? no?) then as i was swimming A LONG BLACK HAIR GOT STUCK IN MY MOUTH. and i tried to keep swimming while getting it out, but finally i just stopped, stood up and pulled the hair out of my mouth...IT WAS TOUGH TO DO CAUSE IT WAS KINDA STUCK DOWN THE BACK OF MY THROAT!! then, once i got that out, i realized i was standing ON A BANDAID! howard, canadian cupcake team, handsome and mad mike from california who just got hooked on our site last night: don't go swimming in a public pool! i am immune to such disgustingness having first learned to swim in a little place called oak park michigan where we would routinely dive to the bottom of the diving well and do battle with the epic sized hairballs that only exist where the light can not reach them. but you my friends, should just read about here instead.

(by the way, if you read this and you're from michigan and you happened to swim with the uss club, the stingrays, then you might know what i'm talking about. you might also remember the kick ass water slide that pool had. readers: if you ever find yourself in charge of a really, really big waterslide, i'm talking like at least three turns and a true water pump system that you can regulate the flow of water: run the water really hard to get the slide wet, then turn it down to a trickle. lay down with your back arched so that your heels and shoulder blades are the only thing touching. careful around the turns, cause you might go flying out, but seriously, you will fucking CRUISE down the slide. what we would do then at the bottom of the slide was see who could hit the turn so fast and so hard that it would actually shoot them upright and then try to 'skate' barefoot for the very last little straight part of the slide and into the pool. i've seen it done people. and its awesome!)

now granted, its free to go swimming in and the view is nice and its nice to be outside after a hot and humid day like we had, and the people who work there are all very nice and all that good stuff. there was just a few random moments of disgutingness that i wanted to share with you, hopefully before you're about to go eat a meal, like spaghetti, which is comparable in length to the hair that got stuck on my face.

sing the theme song: summertime/ the livin might be easy/ but the swimming is greezy/ hahahahaha/ stay handsome!! allez bobsled (i think i totally ripped that from iron chef, but whatever, that new head iron chef guy they have is such a let down compared to the original guy. americans suck at some things i guess, i'll concede that.)