Remember that game Oregon Trail? The one you played on your Apple in the computer lab at lunch instead of playing with the other kids outside at recess because they would beat you up? Yeah, that game. Nerds.Anyhow, it seems that the Commando blitzkreiged some Regon (O) Pinot and set forth upon the trail. He loaded up his wagon and named a leader for the long journey in Regon (O). That leader, according to the illustration to the right was "Penis". What Mr. Commando, like all 20 something American Men, did not know was that you should never let your penis be the leader. You either get laid or displayed. I don't think I have to describe what getting laid means. Or maybe I do you losers.....ha ha ha. Ok I am lonely and taking it out on you...
[Actual letter from Mr. Commando in the Regon (O)] -- so last night we went to the winery which was all well and good. until i got a bit too drunk. then i passed out and sort of puked on the bus then came back to the hotel room and threw up all over my hotel room floor. 
Wow, Commando really put on a display! Get it laid or displayed. So I have changed my mind. I encourage all of you to please, please, please make your penis the leader so that you can either get laid or displayed. If you get laid you are happy. If you get displayed then I am happy and will laugh at your misfortune.
Look at this guy fallen over. It looks like a photo-shop picture or something. This jackass actually fell down in the perfect still standing position. Displayed!!!!!
Oh, ok one more picture. Ever want to know Bobsled Commando's life story. Who is he? Where did he come from? Was it a good home? When was the first time he got displayed?
Go gettem Bobsled! Then have yourself a milk chaser! Ok now its time to sign off....till next time!
Stay handsome
-CH
3 comments:
Please tell me if I am making this up. On Oregon Trail, if you did a crap job of shooting an animal for your winter provisions, didn't it tell you that your shooting level was "fair to middling" ?
As a inside-recess game-playing nerd on the Apple IIE, you should know the answer!
hmmmm, this is certainly a question for the handsome trail master himself. a little modern day research shows that sometimes the roads were described as fair to middling, i.e. "Passed Rock Creek. Road fair to middling." of course then you had to be careful not to break an axel or an ox yoke. i always way overhunted, cause i tried to be true to what our forefathers probably did out there. just like i way overdrank on my trip to oregon. excess. its what helped us push westward and its what helped us advance from an Apple IIE to the iBookG4 with dual-core pentium whatevers. of course, it is also makes us look like huge d-bags to rest of the world, so there, i've covered off on both the liberal and the conservative POVs. um, right then. i'd say this reply was fair to middling at best
Lovely Emily,
Sorry it took so long to respond to your quiery. First off, I am no longer the nerd on the Apple IIe who played O.T. (what insiders call the game). I am now part of the elite "Shanghai Oregon Trailblades Gang" of Mott and Canal Streets. We are lethal so if there was any sarcasm in the statement you better check yourself before we rain down some mao zedong trail knowledge on you. Sorry, I didn't want you to see that side of me. The answer to your question is this....YOU ARE CORRECT! Yes they referred to you as middling. What is middling? Middling: Being at neither one extreme nor the other; intermediate. It pretty much means that you are the Jane Eyre of hunting. You ain't good and you ain't gonna starve either. Remember, don't waste your bullets. Waste your mind! Thank you for your comments. Come back soon.
-CH
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