even though what we do is wrong

Greetings. Today is October 19th, 2006. Captain Handsome has a doozy of a post already lined up for tomorrow, so please do come back for it.

When he told me that, I got all amped up and was like, "Well I’m gonna bring my AA game and write the fucking post of the century so we can be the killer one two knockout punch, like Journey opening for Def Lepard at Mohegan Sun. Are you ready to ROCK aaaannnnddd ROLLLLLLLL?!! Yeah baby, come on Connecticut make some NOIIISSEEEEE, I can’t hear you, YEAAAHHHHH!"

But really all I could come up with is some truly opening act shit. More like Sebastian Bach opening for G' n' F'n' R (Handsome's quality is more like GNR Appetite. Mine is that of Sebastian Bach on Super Group on Vh1.)

The Thursday List of Things I Was Thinking About This Morning…

1. You know how we prophesize about the burgers at Epsteins: they're the shit. Epsteins is on the corner of Stanton and Allen. On Sundays the burgers are 2-4-1 from like 4-11pm. And The Epsteins' Ale (kind of a nut brown type beer) and Stella Artois are always on tap. It’s the bomb.

But last night I had a burger from Big John on Orchard Street. The burger was a little more expensive, but the fries were solid and the burger was gigantic. A very strong contender in the Stanton and Orchard burger wars. It was only my first time eating there, so I need some more time to study and research. But still…

2. Yankees fans that have now jumped on the Mets bandwagon are the worst. Fuck you die.

3. This morning I saw a big black woman in Ace Deli (28th btwn. Madison and 5th) wearing a t-shirt that read: Fuck you you Fucking Fuck. I was scared.

4. Big shout out to My Open Bar who gave me and Senor the head’s up on the Drambuie Den. Let me start by saying that Drambuie sure does suck. But, not quite as bad when it’s free. I had four Drambuie and sodas in a one hour period and that was just about all I could take of the taste. But damn if I wasn’t drunk by the time I stumbled out of there. Throw in the fact that there was free food, complimentary shaves, massages, manicures, pedicures and shoe shines, and this event was the shit. A lot of people there looked like they just came fresh from hedging some funds and whatnot, but still, just roll up in there HBCC style and you’ll be all like Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street to those girls looking to let their hair down and get a bit, ‘crazy’. The events are also going down on the 23rd and 24th of this month as well.

Instructions via My Open Bar: Go to www.signaturespirit.com, then to the Drambuie Den page and look for a dimly lit painting above the two armchairs. Click on it and RSVP for this crazy event.

5. I have to go to the bathroom.

6. I saw a commercial the other night where two guys are running out the door to go to KFC, and the one dude’s girlfriend is on the phone, so they use hand signal to communicate whereby the dude asks her if she wants something from KFC and the girl responds by making a sort of hand-over-hand stacking motion, meaning, of course, KFC FAMOUS BOWLS!

Ladies, if you are also a fan of eating frequently at places like KFC or Taco Bell or Wendy’s, and you are under 200 lbs., and play beach volleyball in the nude, please call me at 1-800-DON-KEYB We have a LOT of catching up to do.

7. I think I’m going to grow a mustache again.

8. My friend just sent me a greeting card from Gbehh. They have some of the funniest greeting cards you’ve never heard of. Seriously. Take this for example:9. cHheeeEEEeeeSSSsssEee-ah