"Right now, Pete Townshend is naked on a computer reading this"

Every once in awhile things need to be acted upon. Now is one of those times. You must understand, that, a statement such as that, carries a significant amount of weight with someone like me. I’ve generally been known as one of the laziest on the eastern seaboard. I would claim west coast bragging rights as well, but, as any self professed lazy ass well knows, that honor goes to one Jeffrey Lebowski. With Lebowski’s firm hold on left coast lethargy, I’ve focused my efforts soley on underachieving and generally taking it easy for all us New Yorkers. I bide my time in the most exciting cultural city in the world, yet couldn’t name a restaurant, museum, or bar that I like to save my life. And the latter of which, I apparently spend a significant amount of time at. I’ve been asked by my friends to contribute to this site on many occasions, but my current contractual obligations to doing nothing have prevented me from doing so. That is about to change. I’ve taken on the task of being a part time Entertainment Correspondent to this site. Call me Mr. Fantastic. I apologize in advance. It just seemed like a natural fit, considering I work for an entertainment news program. Admittedly, taking time away from perusing internet porn while at work to write this column is a little saddening, but for a noble cause, it is worth it.

Normally, I will try and post on more relevant entertainment items, but certain things can wait no longer. Enter Pete Townshend. Pete Townshend is not only probably the greatest songwriter of one of the greatest rock bands of all time, he is also a devout pederast. About 3 yrs ago, while conducting “research” for his memoirs, Townshend was busted for cruising child pornography sites. An unapologetic Townshend, and seemingly uncaring public, quickly swept the incident under the rug. “He couldn’t have done it, he’s Pete Fucking Townshend!” Right? He only wrote “Tommy” and ‘The Kids are Alright” about deaf, dumb, and blind children being taken advantage of by guitarists. Alright, maybe not the last part, but, dude. C’mon now. Research?

If “Research” was a legitimate excuse, I’m a pretty ‘well studied’ young man. That said, I do research all the time. When I get home, when I get up, when I’m relaxing, when I’m standing on my balcony in poorly fitting boxer briefs, drinking a coors light, and thinking of the thinner chick from Heart. Christ, I could be doing ‘research’ when I’m not even thinking about ‘research.’ With the amount of ‘research’ going on in this country we should be on the verge of curing cancer. Or at the very least coming close to perfecting the Kelly LeBrock robot from “Weird Science.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m an enormous Who fan. And coincidentally, an enormous creep as well. I will look at women with a combination of lust, frustration, and murder, that is up there with, well, Townshend. But kids is crossing the line. So, simply, “Hey Pete, where’s the book?” My good friends and I have come up with a line of T-shirts addressing this Townshend situation. Some samples will be below. So, please, feel free to contribute. Its not only fun, but somewhat liberating bashing one of the great songwriters of all time. And more than anything, do it for the kids. Pete would.

Some other fan favorites:

“Its 10 pm, do you know where Pete Townshend is ?”

“Pete Townshend borrowed my laptop.”

“Pete Townshend chaperoned my school field trip. Twice "

“Hey Pete, where’s the book?”

"Pete Townshend wrote a rock opera for my six yr old. Its called
> > > "No One has to Know."

"My milkshake tastes like booze, Uncle Pete"

"A rock star wouldn't tell his parents. Don't you want to be a rock star?"
- Pete "The Predator" Townshend
-
"I fondled Tommy. For research."
> > - Pete Townshend

"Pete Townshend's computer has seen your child naked."

Enjoy. and remember: Don't do anything Pete would.

***Mr. Fantastic