warning: obligtory subway rant from an NYC blogger. Every morning I hit up the 2nd Avenue Subway Station, I opt for the V Train. For those of you not familiar with the subway station…(bear with me those of you who are, you impatient fucks)…you can catch two subway lines: the F and the V. Now the V Train ends at 2nd Avenue, which is always something I take great joy in, seeing multiple tourists get really really confused when they find out they have to exit the train, or that one guy who knows it ends there but wasn’t paying attention and then gets really pissed off. To those people (but more to the guy who got pissed off): hahahahahaahahahahaaah. Anyways, in the morning there is usually a V Train just chilling in the station, cause it’s the end of the line. It’s never crowded. No one needs the V Train at 2nd Avenue. They all need it further up the line (like at 14th St., jeez, have you seen the throng of cattle that fucking comes pouring up at the back of the subway platform there? It’s like someone just screamed free blowjobs at a Porn convention…or is that just me?), or they need it in Queens to get into Manhattan. Most people just don’t need the V, so they wait on the F.
But sometimes (particularly in the summer time) its hot as fuck on the 2nd Ave subway platform. I don’t need to reiterate how much I love hot, steamy, swampy places, but the 2nd Ave stop is particularly lovely because I think a LOT of homeless people use it as a bathroom at night. So its hot and it smells, and you have this hell hole of an environment with all these dressed up yuppies (including myself) heading off to work. And then you have this cool, acclimatized subway car just chilling out, right there on the platform, with (relatively clean seats), welcoming you to just come take a load off.
Here’s where it gets tricky, and funny. When you sit on the V train, you have to be ready for the fact that it can take off at any time. You also have to be aware of the fact that the V actually services parts of Manhattan that the F train does not. So to ensure (somewhat) even service, they have to stagger the Fs and the Vs. Its never consistent across the board, but I’d say its usually on a ratio of 2 Fs to every one V.
Well, so people come and sit on the V, then they see an F train and think, “Oh fuck the V, this shit is never going anywhere” and so they get up and walk over to what I usually the insanely crowded F train, squeeze inside, hear the F train conductor make the announcement that the V train will be leaving first, then run across the platform back to where they just came. What I love is when the F train conductor decides to not make that announcement and the V train just “PING PONG” closes its doors and all those impatient fucks feel like idiots for trying to get to work faster. (The fuck is wrong with you people anyways?)
So I usually just queue up the iPod and watch people get all indecisive, try to decide what train is leaving first, realize they’re wrong, try to go back, rethink being wrong, consider getting on the F after all, hear the V train announcement, sprint back across the platform, throw an arm in the door, delay all of us who have been patiently waiting in our seats, look around embarrassed and become the target for a postal-service-like killing sometime before the end of 06.
See? Funny right? RIGHT?!
Look, the point I’m trying to make is this: don’t hate on the V train. Sit down, enjoy the extra space and a seat and don’t worry about things that are relatively out of your control, namely the F and the V trains. Because once you’ve made a decision, be it right or wrong, you should stick with it. Whoa, bet you weren’t expecting that, huh? Some so-crates (think Bill & Ted) shit, and it’s only Tuesday. Tomorrow we’ll talk about the dreams I’ve been having as of late. Until then…
sing the theme song: fuck it/ running late/ can’t wait/ there’s the F train/ that’s great/ wait/ now they’re telling me the V train’s leaving/ that can’t be right/ shit looks like the doors are closing/ I better take flight/ back across the platform/ close the door on my forarm/ damn dog I made it/ could you please open up?/ fuck everyone else waiting/ my indecision is of greater importance
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