i got btches in the living room

ohmagawd, you guys. don't ask me how i found this, cause i'm drunk right now and don't remember. but Jane magazine is running this 'contest' to find a man for this loon (above) named Sarah. apparently she's like almost 30 and has never got. it. on. NEVER.

Want to know more about her? "Meet Sarah. She's funny, gorgeous and hopes to lose her virginity by her 30th birthday in November. She came to JANE for help meeting guys..." See how they strategically DID NOT mention the fact that she's crazy? Clever Jane. Very clever. Just look at those eyes though. Crazy eyes. Crazy, never been laid eyes. I know, some of you sensitive ladies are saying, "Oh that's so sweet, she's waiting for Mr. Right."

So not HBCC ladies, really dissapointed here now. sad face :(

Anyways, I immediately seized on this opportunity and submitted a suggestion for a possible bachelor. Ladies, get to know Mr. Bob Sledowski:
"Sarah, you seem like a really great girl who just needs a guy who has equal parts fun and serious. Unfortunately, I am not this man. I was absent the day we covered the word serious in 5th grade. Ironically, this is the last grade I ever passed. So if you choose me...or if Jane Magazine chooses me...however this works, I guarantee we'll have a great time. (PS, that one dude who said, "I've been described as 'amazing' in bed? He's lying. He's average at best. I've been told the same. Am I lying? Let's get together and find out...)"

Anyways, keep checking in here to find out if Bob gets a chance to go on a date with Sarah. Whoa man, if that happened...she won't be sorry for long. Nevermind. Fuck you Denver. Goodnight.

(Editor's Note: In case you were wondering, I've included Bob's photo below. Also, this was post #69 for the HBCC. Seriously, Sarah. Here that noise? It's fate fucking trying to knock down your door with a bottle of Jameson's in one hand and a copy of Heat on DVD with Robert Deniro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer and Tom Sizemore in the other hand. LET ME IN ALREADY, I LOVE YOU!!! uh, this just got weird, fast. Mr. Sledowski, ladies and gentleman, Mr. Sledowski:)