yo its the high post, you bout to get shot down

(continuing on our theme of foreign countries the other day...)
Lately I’ve developed a real love/hate relationship with the spam I get at work. I hate it cause there’s really just no end to it and it’s annoying and it clogs my inbox and if we didn’t run on a Mac platform, I’m sure I would have been fired by now for unleasing a virus that takes down our whole office and part of Manhattan. Seriously though, I reach for the ‘delete’ button but then I’m like, “Weelllll, maybe I actually DID hit the lottery in the Netherlands.” Or “Yeah, I guess I do want a few more inches…” but we don't need to get into all that here.

Anyways, I love spam emails though because some of the stuff is hilarious to read. (crazy to think that one day these will be the only surviving artifacts when people are researching the ‘Internet’ era. And god is some of this sh*t gonna make people mad confused.) Stuff like, ‘Compliment of the day,It is my pleasure to write this letter and at the same time thank you for creating time to go through my message,’ And ‘I currently have within my reach the sum of Sixty Million United States Dollars cash.’ (btw, who keeps 60 mil just lying around within their reach? I would either a.) spend that and get a 60 foot yacht within my reach or b.)put it in a bank and keep it out of my reach so I wouldn’t spend it on stupid sh*t, like 60 million dollars worth of Indian food. Spice Cove? Lemme hold that.)

Yet as funny as some of these spam emails are and as badly as they’re written, I was just starting to get frustrated with the fact that, whoever these brilliant writers are, they seem to be falling off their game a bit. The emails just didn’t have the same punch they used; that certain, je ne sais quoi.

And then, the spam gods answered my call with this little doozy. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with the champion of spam emails: sing the theme song: ready to kill myself and eat my dog/ medicine prices are bad/ look at the site and call me one eight hundred if its wrong/ my dog and I are still alive/ ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh/ good day dear customer/ ohhhh yeahhhhh/ that’s good with a capital GOO/ and a smiley face taboot