dear handsome

yo man, sup. whew, things have been crazy, let me tell you.

first off, glad to hear you are living it up in LA. sorry about my trip out there in January. next time i'm out there we'll throw down for sure. plus, by then, you'll know your way around and you'll know lots of beautiful people and we can make 'power moves' as they say. but for sip and drink and be merry, and be a nice girl and save me the cherry (okay, that's a line from an LL Cool J song. not exactly applicable in this case, but i'm a sucker for rhyming. not a sucker rhyming. sucka free, yo)

second, jet lag is a major bitch. as i think i told you, i just got back from 10 days in europe. i'm not sure there is a word in dutch for 'moderation' because every single night in amsterdam i got fuctup beyond belief. i guess that's what happens when you buy some desert bud for the room and keep a little stash by the toilet and just get high every time you sit down to take a dump, and then also buy a bottle of johnny walker green from the duty free shop cause its so freaking cheap and then just drink like half a bottle right after a few bong rips. one night i slept on the floor, one night i was throwing up, and two nights i was up until like 4am with heart palpitations. there was really no in between. four days of 'full steam ahead'.

then came paris for a weekend. what a city of assholes. for fuck's sake, would it kill you to learn a little english? i've taken the time to break my ass to learn a little french, so fuck you ingnorant fucks. and nothing is more embarassing than trying to watch the french put on a Super Bowl pre-game show. i had no idea what the fuck they were saying, but their idea of a pre-game celebration was to trot out some local high school cheerleaders at an Applebees in Miami and then go over the rules of futbol Etats-Unis. fack vous.

and then air france charged us $400 to get back on our flight to amsterdam. yes we're american and yes we can't travel without three bags each, each weighing roughly 50-60 lbs. but you can't let us get on the flight in amsterdam wihtout any warning and then try to charge us an assload of money, in any currency, to get home again. fuck fuck fuck fuck you. assholes.

i'll tell you what: europe is cool and all, but damn if i wasn't happiest just sitting at epsteins eating a big piece of dead meat, drinking whiskey and beer, watching basketball (!!!), leering at the hot waitress and giving the look of death to the retard serving drinks that my ex says she wants to sleep with (she hasn't yet, but if she does, i'll buy you a plane ticket back to NYC so we can break his dick).

the fucking neighborhood is the same: shitty as ever. and fuck it's cold here. i know i know i know, its all over the news, but fuck its cold.

anyways, good news! the avalanches are coming out with a new album soon!!

also, travis mcgee and the revelers are playing on the 16th for anyone interested.

other than that, i guess i'll write again soon, but can't say for sure when just yet. thought of you while i was in amsterdam...