i sip the don p watchin ghandi till i'm charged

So the best memory I ever have of a WWF event was the Ultimate Warrior fighting against the Macho Man Randy Savage. I wasn’t ever really allowed to get in to wrestling that much – mostly cause when I was younger my teacher had to sit my parents down and tell them I shouldn’t be allowed to watch Dukes of Hazzard any more. There was also that incident of me pushing a girl down on the playground, but that was later and mostly related to that whole puberty thing. It didn’t really go so smooth for me, that’s all. In fact, girls still kinda frighten me.

Which is why I’m hear to talk about wrestling!! HELL YEAH ::chest bump:: ::secret handshake:: BRO! I’M SAYIN BRO! BROSEF!

Anyways, I definitely still remember the characters. And I know the facts, at least the ones that pertain to the Detroit. Like how the Detroit Silverdome was home to the largest professional wrestling event ever when Hulk Hogan wrestled and subsequently bodyslammed Andre the Giant. So it should come as no surprise (no surprise or no interest?) that today as I was reading the Detroit Free Press online (who moves to New York and keeps reading the Detroit newspaper? Me. So walk your white ass back across 8 mile.) I noticed this interview with Sergeant Slaughter about Wrestlemania 23 in DETROIT WHAT.

Apparently the good Sarge, or Robert Remus as he’s known to his kids (do you think he puts his kids through calisthenics in the morning?) is the official mouthpiece of the WWE. He’s also a member of the World Wrestling Hall of Fame. Now that’s kinda weird, but it also sounds REALLY FREAKING AWESOME!! Handsome, scramble the sled, let’s do a field trip.

Oh, and did I mention that the article, particularly the last part, kinda makes Sargeant Slaughter out to be gayer than a spandex one piece. Read it yourself if you’re too lazy to click a link:

Q: You’ve said that in the WWE, anything could happen, so if you could pick anybody to go against, who would you pick?
A: I’ve always wanted to wrestle the Rock. I saw him as a little boy when he would come into the locker rooms with his father and grandfather. He blossomed into this performer. I don’t think he was a great wrestler. He wasn’t anything unique as far as ability, but he had a unique way about him. Just the way he talked and his elbows. I would have liked to have wrestled him. He and the Undertaker, I’d love to wrestle.

My all-time favorite would be Vince McMahon. I’d love to wrestle Vince…We always talk about it, when his father was running the company, he said, ‘You know Sarge, I’d love to wrestle, but my dad won’t let me.’ And I said, ‘Why don’t you put a mask on, and I’ll wrestle you?’ ”

Okay, jeez, where do you start?
1.) I always wanted to wrestle the Rock, ever since I saw him as a little boy in the locker room. The way he talked and, oh, his elbows.
2.) I’d love to wrestle Vince. ‘Why don’t you put on a mask with a zipper on it and I’ll wrestle you.’

Alright, a little out of context, I know, but still, weird.

Still though. Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame. Fuck, apparently it’s not a real place (is there anything Wrestling that's real?) and Pete Rose is a member. Weird.