Get the Fuck Out 2006

HAPPY NEW YEARS YOUR RAVENOUS BASTARDS!

So I am ready for 2006 to end and the Handsomest year ever to begin. Get ready cause 007 is gonna be the bomb. Yeah, same ending as Bond. James Bond. That means explosions, girls, intrigue, espianage, and just plain flat out Handsomeness. Anyhow, the Bobsled and I are goin to a Twister Party in Bensonhurst. I am pumped as shit. Check out a picture from last year:

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, have a great new year, fuck you 2006 and Bienvenidos 007! Right hand red, left foot yellow! Don't end up like this either.

my team is good, my robes is good, moms is good, my style is good

sup. thought i'd take time out from getting handsome to give you a glimpse into the madness that is the minds of the HBCC.

recently i read a post over at the assimilated negro that dropped a heavy IM conversation about placing a moratorium on the word douche, douchebag, etc. you can check it out, it's a really great read (just like all the other stuff).

so i got the captain on the line today (google talk, holla) and we got into it deep. check it (CH = Captain Handsome; BC = Bobsled Commando):

CH: that smile is dope :) :) :) :)
:):):):):):):):):):)
word
BC: :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :( :) :(
:/
:?
CH: damn no sideways
BC: i wish there were more
CH: 8)
BC: :-)
CH: :<
BC: sup nose
CH: :,)
BC: nope
CH: what is the nose, how is that done
BC: :%
:@
CH: :-)
BC: :!
CH: holla
BC: brilliant!
CH: :}
solid stuff

Get Handsome Part 1, Subsection A

[Get Handsome is a continuing series from the makers of Handsome Bobsled, Captain Commando aimed at helping you improve your style, assuming your style needs improving, which, if you're reading HBCC already, it probably doesn't. But whatever, we press on with a brief addendum to yesterday's post:]

1.) Sometimes Wikipedia can hook up some decent information. For instance, following our last Get Handsome post which broached the questions about the origins of 'The World is Yours' by Nas, we decided to do what the kids these days are calling, "research." Here is what I found.

2.) The Fader blog the other day released its Listmania for 2006. Never traditional and always entertaining, the featured lists take a humorous look back at a few things from the year that was, including music, pop culture and, in particular, a few fashion trends that are coming and that need to go. Since we're staying with the Get Handsome theme this week, I'll save you the trouble of reading all of the lists (although you should) and cut right to what you need to know about 'trendy' shit in 2007:

Top Six Nominees For 2007 Fashion Trend Deathwatch
6. All-over print hoodies/anything
5. Jeans with things embroidered on them
4. Fat boys in skinny jeans (please stop)
3. Body branding, ie Kanye West shaving the Fendi logo into his hair, etc
2. Rappers in golf attire (Young Dro is the exception that proves the rule -
still, this just isn't cute)
1. Skulls

"whoa whoa whoa. so all-over is all over?"

Top Five Brands Deserving of A 2007 Comeback
5. British Knights
4. Troop (again)
3. Pierre Cardin
2. Kappa
1. Starter

"see you January 8th"

Get Handsome Part 1: Hats

[happy holidays! just checking in over the break to relay a little discovery we made while doing some last minut shopping on saturday. this is also the first in our unofficial installments of Get Handsome, where we tell you about something you should really know more about to help you step your game up. without further adieu...]

hats. one of the baddest accessories out there and yet one that can so easily make you look really bad - and not in the good way. i'd venture to say that it takes more determination to rock a amazing hat, than it does to take on the world in an outrageous pair of kicks. especially when you're rockin a 7 3/4 or higher 59fifty.

so where can one go to find an amazingly unique and at-the-same-time stunning cap these days? why, look no further than down the street and you'll find (just past the amazing reed space): Still Life NYC.

first thing you might notice is that their website has dope music. (this is a trend i am in favor of, big time. as soon as i figure out how to post up a track from this Fela Kuti Live album i just got fir christmas (Thanks Santa!!!), or 'Down for So Long' by The Rapture, i will. and then you'll actually enjoy our site just that much more. hard to believe, i know...)

second thing you might notice is the hat selection. so many hats you wouldn't believe, but here is just a little sample, and, not coincidentally, the hat that i'm now saving for:
amazing, no? now, really, there's a lot to be said for the bow-tie and the scarf in that photo, but i'm just trying to tackle one item at a time here. don't even get the HBCC started on bow-ties...

right, so, check out the online stuff, start getting read up on hats, and not just the ones with sports teams on them, feel free to suggest other stores you might know of in the comments.

oh, and, whatever you do, if you're in NYC, visit the actual Still Life shop:77 Orchard Street. They have two dope ass dogs that lounge around the store, a grey jacket that is too nice for words (and too expensive for my budget, especially around the holidays) AND when i was in there on Saturday, the song that came on in the background was an acoustic-like verion of Nas' 'The World is Yours?' [Weiss: can you help out here? know of an acoustic or original version of 'The World is Yours' or 'Whose World is This?' Bonus Question: is it bad form to ask a shop owner what's on the stereo? i kinda feel like when you own a shop or boutique and you've got a straight dirty mix of music, its kind of your own little secret, and that asking is just rude plus kinda amateurish. or maybe that's just me...]

anyways, i don't know how many of you people spent the summer of '06 screaming this in bars and at 4am in your living room, but we did. And hearing it made me feel like i could buy three $700 jackets AND a motherfuckin bottle of Cristal. So I quickly ran out of the store...

but really, go, shop, Get Handsome.

it's beginning to look a lot like bob-sled

Ah the holidays. So freakin happy right now.

My holiday Christmas party got cancelled, so no funny stories like my brotha Balderdash has to offer.

And Handsome got laid off back in November (sorry Handsome, just had to put that out there) so now he’s off courting new job offers in the lap of luxury (LA) and definitely not attending holiday parties to write funny posts about.

And my ex-girlfriend has informed me that she’ll be sleeping with the bartender at Epsteins from now on, so there’s that too. And we’re broke, and the NY Times wrote a story on streetwear, so it looks like that whole fad is over. Fun while it lasted though.

And we upgraded to Blogger 2.0 and that’s impossible for a two un-smart people like ourselves to figure out.

And we were nice enough to get invited to the Blogmukkah extravaganza, but then my flight home from Chicago got cancelled, so we couldn’t come hang out with all the people we’ve been looking forward to meeting in person.

And its snowing in Denver

Oh, and I spent the night in Hoboken last night. Unbelievably happy about that.

So, look: we’ll be back in 2007. “Come back like Jordan, wearin the 4-5” like the Jigga man would say. We want to say thank you very much to everyone who has come by the blog over the past coupla months, thank you for a great year, we wish you all nothing but the best in the New Year, Stay Handsome and Allez Bobsled! AUF WIEDERSEHEN

make it count like jordan at crunch time

hey, so, that was a heck of a weekend huh? nothing like coming down with the flu after burning every last brain cell in the brain bouncing back and forth between brooklyn, union square and the LES.

i believe the popular phrase in this case is 'mailing it in.' shit, we put the stamp on the envelope, licked the seal, and then pretty much passed out in the gutter on our way to the mailbox on the corner.

and somewhere today (shortly after watching real world: denver yet just before the tylenol PM hit the system) we were flipping through the ole bookmarks and came across something truly brilliant. one sec: actually, the captain called me yesterday to let me know his idea and he's actually on something original and intelligent. my style is more to clue people in to something really, really awesome.

so, people, if you're a lover of the hip hop and street culture, tune your computer to one of the mo betta designed websites that i've seen in a long while. (if you're at work, pop on your headphones, click through the brief intro images and then crank the volume).

check it: Inquiring Mind

but what about the wonder woman bracelet

happy champagne weekend part II.

yeah

this dj be warren g

happy champagne weekend to everyone. make it a good one yo.

CHEERS!!

from the heart of medina to the head of ft. greene

1.) We love streetwear. We embarked on a journey this summer to order the most ridiculous pair of sneakers from pickyourshoes.com that we could find. Funny thing is, when I told the Captain that he should order Nike Delta Force Air 3/4 Deluxes with leopard print on the toes, I kinda thought they were sweet. Then he got them and started wearing them, and I was envious, maybe even a little jealous. But you know what? I didn’t kill him in his sleep for them, cause he’s my buddy and I’m happy for him to rock a sweet pair of kicks. It’s what friends do for each other. It was maybe one of the first time I had experienced that feeling because a.) guys don’t usually go shopping for each other, so that was a whole new experience for me and b.) I haven’t had the chance to go through most of the sh*t that we’ve gone through and I feel like we’re damn good buddies.

Anyways, streetwear. December 10th is the 25 year anniversary of the Nike Air Force One. 1981 man. I bought a pair of AF1’s last summer from Jimmy Jamz or whatever it is down on Delancey. Living on the Lower East Side, you see a ton of people wearing these shoes, although most people are rocking the Nike Dunk Lows (big difference, for real). And all I had ever owned since moving to New York was really stupid looking shoes: some Pumas, lots of running shoes, dress shoes, some Addidas. But nothing that made me feel the way I imagined people with Nikes must feel: friggin sweet.

So when I finally got my own pair it was just like, “Daaammmnnnn.” I’m materialistic like that, I’ll admit it. But there’s something about lacing up a super fresh pair of kicks that makes you feel a little bit hipper. And there are none better to do it with than the AF1’s. I have a pair of Air Terminators Low (awesome too, little air pockets all through the sole) and a pair of Dunk Highs (with red and white seersucker along the side, see photos in the first link above). I’ve also got a pair of Air Max 90’s that I customized using that whole Nike ID system online (they didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I still rock them from time to time).

All of these are well and good, but I still go back to the Air Force 1’s any time I need a go-to shoe. And with the anniversary of a legend coming up on Sunday, even though you may not be Nigo or Kanye West or Charles Barkley with a personal invite to the anniversary soiree, and you might not have the budget to go online and get these, you should at least cruise down to your local shoe store (or the Reed Space if possible) and pay homage to a classic. 2.) I know some people who don’t eat any vegetables at all. Like not even lettuce in a salad. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.

3.) Audrey writes haikus sometimes. Well, okay, almost all the time. They’re unique, original and modern. If I knew anything about art or literature, I’d draw a comparison between her style and someone else really talented, yet underappreciated. Alas, I don’t know nothing. Which I hope doesn’t dequantify my authority on the subject: I know cool stuff. I just can’t recall names and points of reference at all. So, yeah, take that for what its worth.

4.) A recent post over on This Is What We Do Now has sparked quite a debate between the HBCC. See, Larry (dude who writes TIWWDN) argued that the new Geico commercials are of sub-standard quality and are ruining the legacy of the original, extremely hilarious set of commercials. My favorite and the one I feel is most underrated in that set (like Audrey’s haikus, just not hilarious, but still brilliant and underrated) is the one where the two cavemen are sitting in their nicely furnished apartment - one playing the piano, the other watching TV – when the Geico commercial comes on. When it finishes, the one playing the piano stops playing, looks up and says, in a voice of extreme discontent, “Ah, that is sooo condescending.” Hilarious.

(Tangent City: What’s up with only the one caveman being used in the new commercials? Talk about art imitating life: survival of the fittest. This is the dude who nailed the, “I don’t have much of an appetite” line and now he’s the official caveman spokesperson. But the funny (ironic?) thing is that this Darwinian theory actually did apply to REAL cavemen. WOW. Wow. ((Tangent TANGENT City: I love the Sonic commercial with the two dudes sitting in the car and the one guy is like, “Wow, there is a lot of food in this breakfast wrap…it’s like a breakFEAST! Wow. WuhuhuhOOWWW! A breakFEAST!!” and then he just keeps on sayin it. It cracks me up.))

(SUPER BONUS TANGENT: The king in the Burger King commercials is starting to win me over with his stunt, crash, thumbs up commercials for that new line of video games. I'm easily amused.)

Anyways, wow (WuhuhuhOOWW. A tanGENT!) So, we’re arguing now. Because, I agreed with Larry but Captain Handsome adamantly disagrees. And, after seeing the Geico caveman newscast commercial last night, I kind of see Handsome's point. I mean, I knew the punchline was, “Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the rock this morning!” and that’s pretty funny, sure. But what really gets me is the beginning of the dialog, when the caveman says, “First off, I’m not 100% in love with your tone right now.” That line alone is f’ing great. And the one where he’s walking on the moving walkway in the airport: really solid also. It's a tough one for the actor cause the facial expressions are the gist of the commercial but, again, the guy nails it. So really whoever produces these spots for Geico is still getting it right and, after careful consideration, I have to rescind my comment about agreeing with Larry.

5.) Tomorrow we're hostng a champagne party. Pictures to follow. This post only took me like 30-40 minutes to write. Suckas.

whatup ma, i got a pocket full of stinkys

Life comes at you fast sometimes, especially on the weekends. Seems like some weeks you spend Monday-Friday looking forward to how awesome the weekend is gonna be - the chance to chill withcha brahs, drink some brews, meet some new people, listen to some tunage, nosh on some Rosarios - whatever. All you think all week is: damn, this weekend is gonna be the weekend I get laid bomb!

And you get all worked up and you go running out of your office, or wherever it is that you spend all day, and you rush to get home, eat some food (hopefully) and then get down to business: drinking. Excessive amounts of drinking. Maybe a call to Eddy. Whatever. Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, early Sunday morning and then, the next thing you know, you're staring down the barrel of another work week, thinking, "damn son, what the hell happened to the weekend/checking account?"

Well when you reach that point on Self-Loathing Sunday, you've experienced what is commonly referred to as a Friturday. For instance, take this hypothetical conversation with one of your co-workers on Monday:

Stupidhead coworker 1: "...so then, as we were coming out of Off the Wagon, my girlfriend threw up all over my new loafers. I was totally pissed, but I was so piss drunk, I didn't even care. Then we yelled at some homeless guy, got in my new Lexus and drove back out to Long Island."

Stupidhead coworker 2: "BRO, I like totally saw you at the bar! ::high five:: Did you see that chick with the super enormous titties? Awh bro, BRO, I was soooo wa-hay-stedededed. Dude, what did you do this weekend?"

Me: "Uh, well, when I don't really remember. I mean, I know I went home, made a phone call, started drinnking, and the next thing I knew it was Sunday. GOD, I have got to stop abusing so many substances on Friturdays."

Said phrase can also be used to refer to any combination of days in which a bender might take place. For those in the food service industry, there' s the ever popular Monsday. There's also the lesser known Thuesday, although at that point, you might as well make it a Tueturday...

And now you know.

we can trade places get lifted in staircases

EHHHHRRRRrrrrr, hiiiiii. ummmm, how's it goin?

yeah.

eh, that was awkward huh?

no no no no, not that. i meant, well, um, well you know.

that whole last post thing. kinda serious, kinda not. kinda weird.

yeah.

no, its not you, its me. it's just, i've been under a lot of pressure lately. and, i just haven't been feeling like myself.

yeah, uh huh.

i understand. okay, here's a picture that my sister took of Vanilla Ice slamming Jager at some bar in Philly...

good talk. see you arond.

scoop jackson the facking hack OR how our friends at YAYsports got play-gerized and didn't get no love

hi. the dude who writes YAY Sports is one of my favorite writers. he made this...



and this...



BUT he also writes hilarious stuff about the NBA.

now, this is far from being some kinda sports blog, but, hey, we have other interests besides being slovenly and other stuff. namely, reading other blogs when we're supposed to be working or whatever it is we're supposed to be doing while we sit in front of a computer all day.

so it made our little hearts sad beyond belief to read the tale of how an ESPiN writer stole a fucking brilliantly funny idea from YAY and tried to pawn it off as his own.

First, a warning: to understand what I'm talking about, you have to do some reading. And some linking. So just give up now if you don't feel like doing that. But, we feel its for a good cause.

Ready? Okay. So The Cavalier writes about the NBA. This year the NBA introduced a new ball. Everyone hates it. So The Cavalier made the new ball into a recurring character. Have a look here. See? Some funny stuff in there. Then, just last week, the idea got stolen by this dude who writes for ESPiN. Start here. Then here.

so to that guy, scoop jackson, we say: dude, that sucks. whatever man, maybe somebody somewhere who doesn't know about pickyourshoes.com thinks you're the man. but really, the people who know what's up know that you you don't know what's up. and you have to go home at the end of the day (or maybe you work from home, whatever) and think about the fact that you just straight up ganked a hilarious idea from someone else, put your name on it, turned it in to the stupid editors at ESPiN and then went home and masturbated to gay porn. is that libel or something? yeah, probably. but if you sue us, you'll win, take some of our money, go home and masturbate to gay porn again. then feel better, then get drunk, then wake up and have to face self-loathing sunday with nothing but your blog post that you didn't think up, our money and your vast collection of gay porn.

anyways, thank you for reading. support the cause if you feel so compelled.

if you like 6' 3" 231 lbs quarterbacks with laser rocket arms

Dear people who own Hummers: thanks for the weather this week. I thought I was done sweating for the year, but, no, actually the heat goes on.

Anyways, our own Captain referenced this on Tuesday, but after seeing the record setting number of comments on his post, I thought I’d round out the week with something that expands on the idea of a Drink-Off. Besides, I have visions of the Bourbon Samurai holding a sword to my throat, and I scare easily (last night I had a dream about Freddy Krueger and had to call my mom at like 3 in the morning).

First off: Happy Weekend. We made it America. As John Cougar Mellencamp says on those fucking truck commercials, “This is our country.” And then, as Jimmy Johnson says in that Miller Lite commercial, “Duh-uumb.” And as the caveman says, “I don’t have much of an appetite ::death stare::”

Second: A drink off. Yes, I said it, a drink off.

My friend and I had a little conversation before the Nada Surf show at the Hiro Ballroom Monday, shortly after polishing off some tequila shots. See, she is the manager/owner/founder of one Brooklyn Drinkers Club, based in, you guessed it, Brooklyn. Jeah. Well, freaking, wouldn’tchaknowit, shortly after consuming tequila, some shit starts getting talked up like a freaking vindaloo mouth suppository.

Yeah, HBCC v. BDC was the idea. A battle royale drink off. A drink till you die and then drink some more night of drinking our faces off.

The idea hit me like a moment of clarity (I hate those). It went like this: Two teams line up on either side of a table from each other, kind of like flip cup. Beforehand, one team chooses the weapon, i.e. tequila, vodka, whiskey, etc. Then, the first team members begin taking shots until they puke. When the first person pukes, the second person begins taking shots, and so on down the line. First team to have everyone puke wins. Unfortunately, we failed to see eye-to-eye on this idea. Apparently (and correct me if I’m wrong friend who knows who she is), the BDC doesn’t include hard liquor in their get-togethers. Which is cool: I mean, the idea of a drinker’s club is a social activity. Let’s get together share in some drinks, maybe compare/contrast drinks, wax intellectual – all while tying one on. It’s nice. It probably results in people remembering what they did the night before, maybe hooking up (as opposed to passing out, as the HBCC is wont to do).

No liquor. And that’s the problem. BDC says, “Oh, a social interaction, this will be fun.” HBCC says, “DRINK OFF, DIE SCUMBAGS, DIE!!!”

Really. Like, I told the HBCC about the challenge and then the no liquor caveat and people were pissed. Like for real. A lot of F Brooklyn’s and what not. And then of course Snakes, the only female member of the HBCC (so far), weighs in with WEAKLES BENEAKLES and that straight blew the door of it. (Some time we’ll tell the story of how Snakes is the most unintentionally racist person on the planet. It’s hilarious)

Anyways, a drink off has some very interesting potential. And, no, the BDC has not answered our challenge yet. So...yeah, we’ll make this an open challenge: 30 beers (Bud Lite), a fifth of liquor (TBD), and a Crave Case from White Castle. First team (FYI, we'll call a 'team' eight (8) members) to finish every item retains the title of BLOGWORLD DRINK-OFF CHAMPIONS. Contest to be held in New York City only. (Not valid in Mexico, New Mexico, or anywhere else that encourages people to drink when they’re five years old. I’m looking at you Russia and Kentucky).

Well, something to consider.

HAPPY WEEKEND!!! STAY HANDSOME!!!