Shakin' in the Fornia

Pretty solid week. Went to the Circus the other weekend. Felt like that 40 year old guy at the Hanna Montana movie premier. Not gonna lie, trapese is the shit. Went to the Orange County Fair, that too was the shit. Saw some pits with balls the size of Kansas while eating a block of Mormon cheese. I haven't been to a fair in about 15 years so lets do the rundown: fried dough cake, 2 corn dogs, orange julius (holy shit, when is the last time you heard about an orange julius.....i thought the went under like 15 years ago. it was money), grilled corn, cheese block, and a hot dog. Yes even powers would be proud of that feast. Has powers every told you about the time he ordered $40 from Bondi BBQ in Venice. And ate it all (see above picture). Anyhow, if you get a chance to check the fair you should hit it up and hit it up hard.

Lets talk about the earthquake.....My first earthquake. 5.8 is not a bad rumble for a first quake. I was standing by the copy machine at work, very Office Space moment, and had no idea an quake was a rumblin. I seriously thought it was the taco's from last night. I felt all woozy, disoriented and thought i was hallucinating. Then the copier came at me and I shit my pants. The hole place just shook like Mrs. Websters gullet after Sunday Brunch. At that moment the 49 year old career cash handler ran from her office screaming earthquake. It was the first time that even occurred to me, i thought i was just really losing my shit. I almost fell over my lets were so weak. It was the same feeling I felt when I saw the clowns on the mini motor cycles at the formentioned circus. In all honesty, it was scary as hell. The entier earth shook, it was one of the most surreal feelings i have ever felt. Not very cool for sure. But shit didn't break so it was totally awsome! (think Wild Stallions awsome)

So thats the short update, there is some seriously cool shit I have to post but i don't want to bunch it in with this lame ass post. It is way to cool for that.

So I'm back and it is because of the Damn O's

I hate Baltimore sports teams. Certain friends of mine choose to ruin society with their support of the O's and it caused me to speak out. See, I have been having one of those great Fornia (see Calif...) mornings, perfect. Got up, saw the frey off to work, ran to the ocean, watched some US Surf Open, came home, showered at pool, hit pool, ignored the chunky girls at the pool, and back to the apt to check out some Espn. Love that kind of morning. See, in NY I would just be getting home. Like Bobsled (whom I just called to get permission to desecrate our desecrated site) whom just got in from last night (note 3pm EST). Damn I miss the hatten sometimes. But again, days like this never happened either.

So I check My email and find an email from a dear friend spaulding. It contained such heanous images that I was forced to reactivate. By reactivate you should be thinking along the lines of Rambo liquidating a man in a jeep with a 50 calibur machine gun. Anyhow, here is the crap I was emailed this morning:

Some people just don't get it. Lady liberty obviously is one of them if this is the case. However, it is not the case. What you see is not lady liberty at all. It is Molly liberty, the cracked out hooker from Baltimore whom left her mother lady in an unbenounced adobption by Bielzebub (spelling.....what, like you have tired to spell it lately). Go ahead and keep her Baltimore! I'm headed down to Joe's Pizza to watch the Yankees destroy the Redsox and tie those bastards for 2nd!

So yes, I will be updating my life on this site again and no it won't be anything good. Have a great day and make it better than Bobsled's. Goodnight sweet prince.

Incidentally, this will be the last time I ever comment on the O's. It's just not worth it.....

Dreamin' Bout Heavin' But Feel Like Hell

It's official. I am a traitor. Today I ventured into the dark depths of the California DMV. As my rent payments for my Union Square apartment (tear) are through I am officially not a New York Resident. That sucks because I feel that my NY residence made me better than the rest of the puff balls out here. I mean, I still rock the Giants Hat, drive like a madman, blast Biggie, and inevitably move the fuck back home but this is still a tough step for me.

All told, Santa Monica ran a pretty tight ship on the DMV department. Much friendlier than the New York lot at least. Only issue was that they made me take the drivers test once again. Shit, this could be complicated. Luckily I flirted with the test desk woman (think 47 year old 215lb black woma with purple fingernails longer than my tibula) and she smiled while sliding me the exam "This is the easy one sweetie....". My hospitality training and boyish good looks paid off once more. I rocked the motherfucker.

So I went to a NY Giants Santa Monica Fan Club meeting at a local bar this Sunday. Wow, was it lame. There were 8 guys in a quiet bar and 1 60 year old woman wearing a Giants hat. One of the awsome fans was reading a comic book. Jessica and I were not amused. I missed going to my favorite football bar for this? After 2 Fat Tires (10am) and a few texts to The Frey it was decided we would dip at half time. I of course told a lie, something about budget season and having to go to the office......whatever, we were the hell out of there. Straight out to my favorite Football Spot on the Promenade (not that gay place Yankee Doodle for you West Side Readers - all 0 of you). Much better, it was loud I drank a bitcher of dark ass beer and cheered on the rest of the Giants' shitty ass game. As my buzz was reaching a peak I see a few of the Giants Fan Club coming into the bar staring at me. Shit. The truth, why don't I ever tell the truth! One was not amused whatssoever (Mets Jersey and yamika) while the other was like, I don't bame you bro (bald, chunky, cheery, tequila drinking Shockey Jersey wearing). After I bought a few Beam shots it was all good. Either way, stupididty sturck again.....

So Tommy, What do you think of these pictrues?

Handsome Sports

Yes, that is LT seconds before he snapped the living shit out of Joe Theisman's pansy ass chicken let. Spaulding> I hope you still read the blog. Know you don't though. Dick. Redskins fan, nuf said. Ha Ha, Theisman actually signed the picture......for money. He's crippled and broke.

At the HBCC sports is seldom talked about unless it is from the 2am thursday night drunk ass ramblings from Bobsled after a nasty game of UWS kickball. Bobsled had a mowhawk. LT Had a mowhawk. Not a coincidence, both are bad ass mother fuckers. I know you are like, what the fuck.....this post is all in english. Jah, I am not a master at hipsterbonics like the sled. T-Rex Giants!

Oh right sports. The New York Giants are getting full support from the HBCC on the Left here. Last monday I had a meeting with the CFO of my company and could not talk because on Sunday, i got up at 9am and double fisted through the Giants / Skins (die redskins bitches) game. He asked if I was sick, I replied "Go Giants" in a pathetic hung over whisper. Then he ordered the Tuna Tartar.

Tonight the Higantes (spanich for the housekeeping team) (not a type-o) punished the Eagles like a kitten to the red dot of a lazer pointer. Pat Pat goes the paw. Down goes McNabb. Why the extra B? Bitch perhaps? So a quick shot to the moon for the NY Giants. So Blazed......

Actually, sadly, didn't take this>>


I also saw LCD Soundsystem at the Hollywood Bowl last week. Was so blazed in the lawn seats I just sat and imagined I was in Prospect Park.........then saw a bunch of Hollywooders talking poo on NEW..............(York). Jerks.


So My boy owns a Dispensory out her in the LA. Yeah, I have a free ticket to the 'Dam every day. I usually chill there after work on fridays where inevitably I visit the volcano with some rediculous OG. Wow, blog turned from sports, to cat in sports themed garbage can, to the dreams of my highschool/college days. Seriously, thirty + types of kittens to choose from, sheesh, and edibles. Holy god it is like T-Rex finding a My Little Pony!!!!!! Watched the UCLA game there yesterday and nearly lunched. Handsome out..................................MEOW

Oh yeah, I also let one slip from the Clip the other day @ Trader Joes (farted). I was walking with my cart towards some tasty Jarlsberg Cheese and crossed the Janitors Mop Jetstream. I slid suddenly and it provoked a slight toot from ole Powderfinger (yes, a neil young / anal reference....not as bad as you think)......I was imbarassed until I realized only a 38 year old Chinese Lady/Girl *38 is a tough year* heard me. I am pretty sure I winked and walked off. I actually think I grabbed the Jarlsberg, avoided eye contact, and Heisman'd my way through the next isle. Word.

UTAHRAPTOR

not sure if you've ever noticed or not, but I'm a huge fan of things that are just completely random. for instance, here I am, blogging, and I'm liable to just say...spaghetti and meatballs...for no fucking reason whatsoever.

just do it. that's nike's motto. mine is more like, it's just blogging, why be so serious all the time, or at all? it's kind of a long motto and it's more of a question that a declarative statement, but couldn't 'just do it' be interpreted as 'just do it?'

anyways, my favorite bit of randomness right now is dinosaurs. for a minute it was dragons, in honor of the most amazing movie ever made, dragon wars. but now it's talking dinosaurs. that's because my good friend clued me into these little babies over at Qwantz.com

click to ENlarge and ENjoy.
HBCC love.

still looking for that sweet pair of 11 year old oakley BMX goggles?

well look no further mes hombres. these babies can be yours for just a cool ben franklin. he was never el presidente, but he was a super dope U.S. statesman, inventor, and diplomat. if only more Americans were out there gettin all Franklin-y up in this piece. we'd already have that shit renamed USraq.

anyways, weekend time is here. everybody's happy happy let's go get some crackers....ricky crackers that is:
got the low down on something super sweet? email it to whatthefuckisup@checkmeoutatthissupersweetparty.org

PS - big what's up to paris hilton who got her introduction to the HBCC wednesday night, shaking hands with the handsome one himself, or some shit like that. dude probably made that shit up anyways, but still, it's a sweet story that i've told to like no less than two people already...

(captain handsome not pictured here.)

Happy Bobsled Weekend Everyone!!

from freedarko.com

HBCC Post #200 Says: Another Weekend Down the Drain

anybody else have to spend sunday morning drinking a bloody and crushing some juevos rancheros at the denver airport? didn't think so.

Listen'd to G'z and Hustlaz on the way home from work tonight.....

Must be the Mutha Fuckin HBCC Weekend! Football people. Men. Cool Ladies out there. Etc. So my first football Sunday here in Sweet Cali. Damn I am excited. I have joined the hordes of Jockesque Dungens and Dragons Like Men.........Yes I joined a fantasy football league. My first fantasy experment. Noone told me I would be in a draft for 3 and half hours. Christ! These dudes were serious with laptops, magazines, and tons of knowledge that I am sure held them back form sex for several weeks/months/years. I got some serious bawlers Shawn Alexander, Westbrook (fuck the eagles), Javon Walker, Shockey, Antonio Gates, and other assorted large men. Well, we'll see how this works out...........but who cares anyhow! College Saturday is already here and Sunday it's the big boys.

Seriously?

10am

The first game starts. I have been fearing this fact since moving out here. Until my good friend Judson (yes, Georgia!) told me he too had the same fears and they are not necessary. He tells me of Football California Style. 9:30 meet at the bar. A bar by the beach. Eat Waffles, drink coffee, and crush a bloody. Then the game starts at 10 and you smash beers and watch 4 games at once. Hilarity ensues. Then you watch the next games. Thoughts of nude ocean runs jump into your head. Eat nachos and possibly a fish taco. Smash more beers. By the time the football ends it is just the afternoon so you go and pass out on the beach........or take pictures of you and a friend high 5'ing like fools. Its the weekend and the Captain's Out!

Oh Yeah.......Lets Go Big Blue!

coupla jokes i've heard lately

Q: what's the opposite of christopher reeve?
A: christopher walken!

Asian woman to husband in bed: "What you wan do tonight?"
Husband: "I wan 69"
Woman: "Why you always want beef with brocorri?"

Ebonics update (cause we haven't had one of those ina while): Omelette
Let's use that in a sentence: I should pop a cap in you ass for this shit, but omelette that slide for now.

Happy Friday HBCC Nation!

My leftie friends here are starting to call me "Captain Comments". Do you feel this is a fair moniker? Do you have any comments on the following picture:

Adventures of Henry the HBCC Hedgehog

Henry Parsons was a Hedgehog. Henry happens to be one of the baddest hogs' I have met since movin out here. I actually met Henry at a work retreat at the Luxe Hotel on Sunset but thats a different story. At first I really didn't think that much of Henry but he really turned out to be a cool cat......errr sorry hedgehog. So me and The Frey were wonderin' what to do on a Sunny Monday off in the LAAAaaaaaa. Well, I hadn't done the tourist thing since coming out here so shit, lets give that a try (Horay!).

So as we were gettin ready to load into Lequisha, Henry was like "Yo bitches, what about me". Well, hell Henry.................lets roll. To Hollywood we go!!!! After parking at the center of Middle America Tourist Bliss I get a bit excited. As we emerge from the undergarage the 90+ temperature starts to create tribute to Louisiana in my designer jeans. There is a guy dressed like The Cat in the Hat who must be very very envious of my jeans. I feel better. So not to get too sappy but we went to Mann's Chinese Theater. Henry picked out his favorite actor for a photo:

I have a nice photo of Steven Segal's square also. I will get that one up too, I know HBCC readers are rabid for a Segal Flick. Marked for death was the shit. I digress....so after a quick neslte tollhouse shop stop, watchin batman, darth vader, wonder woman, sponge bob, minnie mouse, another batman, and another wonderwoman we rolled to Griffith Park. Damn nice park I must say. A friend from West Point was golfing with some buddies and was giving us his Dodgers Tix for the night. Against the Nat's! Goooooooo DC. Holla East Coast. Game was mad fun however, the Dodger Dogs were quite disappointing. Luckily the Gordon Biersch Garlic Fries saved the day. That and a few Tall Boys. Anyhow, the Dogers won after bringing in Takashi Saito and it was the shit. That boy tossed a few 95 mile an hour heaters. Parsons was pleased...

Word, Tourist day with The Frey in LA. Oh yeah, we got some cotton candy and I rocked out some Selleck impressions..... (note Giants Hat, Down with the Redskins!)

Oh and Double yeah, here's Segal's cocky ass footprints.........what an Ass

I call litta the shitta

Its been a while since we dropped some feline friccasy on ya'll. Droppen hooks with super cat on Hollywood Blvd today......then its off to Rosco's Chicken and Waffles. We'll close out the day with a little Dodgers vs Nat'nls and a flask of beam. What are you doin' out there today HBCC Land?

Funky Cat's Gonna Be Miss'n Cause Bobsled Bounced from the Griffin

Holla out to the Brave one. Yes thats right friends lets give yea ole Bobsled some heart cause he pulled the trigger. Blam Blam have a nice day.... Wise beyond his days Karl has made a move. Ya'll know how hard it is to make a major life change? You see that shit in movies, on tv and in your dreams (is that a line from a journey song?) every day but have you had to do it yourself recently. I went through the grueling hell that is making life decisions. Shit even San Loco couldn't set me straight. Then blam.....you make a decision and your life changes! So here you are in your moment when you don't know what's gonna happen. All you know is you pulled the trigger. So lets all give bobsled a holla holla white boy hand pump for his efforts. Of course you should have gotten a job in the LLaaaaaaa but thats neither here nor there. This is whats here:

So I was cruising out of work today, hopped in Lequisha (Lequisha being my cars name cause- she's a black saucy ass, baby, with junk in the trunk), and started cruisin' back to my home by the beach. Kickin' it to some mad CCR......bangin on the steering wheel and shit. I was in a great mood and looking forward to OG immediatly through the door. Then it hit me......fuck, am I not as young as I think I am? I know I have had this kind of moment before but I really started to scratch my head and think about it. I looked down at my tie while at the stop light at Venice and Abby K. Wow, it may be worse than I think............

So I bought a skateboard this week. Yeah, a skateboard. You may recall just about a month ago there were some references to my 29th birthday....nevermind.....I don't know why that even came up. I also remember my first skateboard to the tiny detail (Syms Erik Nash Edition with OJ2 Street Razor Wheels, and Gullwing Tucks (lyme green and pink broken glass style grilp tape)) and I worshipped the shit out of it. Then one day I went to the pond to swim and hid it in the woods........when I came back it was gone. I was heartbroken. It was only a month old. I never bought another one and lie about its whereabouts to my parents to this day (mom still asks). Boy would it have been awsome if I had actually gotten good at skateboarding as a kid. Possibilities are endless. Anyhow, I bought a skateboard this week. Also picked up a 175g disk. Also Flew a stunt kite at the beach. And then played a bob dylan song in my car while sporting a dylanesque quaffe........I hate when I'm right. Lets blow this Joint Lequisha. It's Friday bitches!!!!

p.s. Congrats to this weeks Big Buck Hunter 2.0 Champion: Bobsled! A thrilling victory over Mr. Howard in British Colombia! Keep up the streak

here comes sunshine

let's face it: way back before we were all ghostface and daft punk and pickyourownshoes, we were deadheads. patch pants wearing, mushrooming eating, hemp necklace wearing, stupid dance dancing deadheads. some of us younger than others, but all big fans nevertheless.

and as much as we (I) lament the slow and painful death of the jamband scene, there's no denying that slipping on an occasional Dick's Picks or Live Phish CD feels pretty damn good.

so, many THANKS to the peoples at Passion of the Weiss, The for serving up this tasty heady gooball nugget from 1973 (my favorite shit, with the Godchaux team in full effect, Keith - you the man, RIP; Donna Jean - wtf sometimes, really). (click and follow the above link to DL)

setlist reads like a gem:

Denver Coliseum, Denver, CO (11/21/73)
Me and My Uncle
Sugaree
Jack Straw
Big Railroad Blues
Mexicali Blues
They Love Each Other
Looks Like Rain
Here Comes Sunshine
Big River
Brokedown Palace
WRS Prelude
WRS Part 1
Let It Grow

Mississippi Half-Step
Playing in the Band
El Paso
Playing in the Band
Wharf Rat
Playing in the Band
Morning Dew
Truckin'
Nobody's Fault But Mine
Goin' Down the Road Feeling Bad
One More Saturday Night

Uncle John's Band

ENJOY AND SEND THANKS THE PASSION OF THE WEISS

Dear Daft Punk,

Fuck you. I love you. KThnksBye

Missin' the Shakey Shake

So fuck me, i have been waiting for a true California disaster since moving out here. There was a nice little bursh fire that was pretty entertaining a few months ago by the Hollywood sign and thats it. Till last night........Around 1am there was a nice little 4.6 shaker. Finally some seriouis So Cal excitement. And I slept right through the whole damn thing. Didn't even feel a fart under the sheets last night. WTF, I have been waiting for a quaker and I sleep right through it. How big a rumbler do you think I would sleep through? Imagine if I wake up this morning and find the city lookin like an episode of 24?! Damn that would be sweet!

To add insult to injury I get texts, calls, emails from friends and family excitedly inquiring about the little earth indigestion. No no, I'm safe. Everyone seemed a bit disappointed.......God Damn I miss good ole East Coast Folks!

pardon our motherf*ck!n dust motherf*ck3rs

sup cleaning up the ole boy. maybe the HBCC ain't so dead after all. maybe it's just on life support. like me. after running the NYC half marathon this morning.

know what sucks about the iPod shuffle? when NAS comes on at mile 6. WHO'S WORLD IS THIS?!! oh, wait, we still got 8 more miles to go. fuck me.

whatever, in the meantime, if you like the layout, leave a comment. or don't. even if you don't you should still watch. this is mel. mel is the pitcher for our travel kickball tourney team:

Ha Ha

Bobsled has a crush on Annie