So I guess my return to blogging meant....nothing

So I am here drinking some 2 buck chuck and watching the McCain speech. It is honestly a pretety solid speech but I swear to god that he keeps reminding me of......hmmmm. Who does he remind me of. I swear he was going to end the speech with "Please, Try My Product"

Come on, i can't be alone on this. Solid Gold! Right? Whatever, the Gmen beat the crap out of the crapskins. I mean look at the people rooting for this team, i shouldn't be surprised:

Go Big Blue.........talk to you soon, 8 months from now

Shakin' in the Fornia

Pretty solid week. Went to the Circus the other weekend. Felt like that 40 year old guy at the Hanna Montana movie premier. Not gonna lie, trapese is the shit. Went to the Orange County Fair, that too was the shit. Saw some pits with balls the size of Kansas while eating a block of Mormon cheese. I haven't been to a fair in about 15 years so lets do the rundown: fried dough cake, 2 corn dogs, orange julius (holy shit, when is the last time you heard about an orange julius.....i thought the went under like 15 years ago. it was money), grilled corn, cheese block, and a hot dog. Yes even powers would be proud of that feast. Has powers every told you about the time he ordered $40 from Bondi BBQ in Venice. And ate it all (see above picture). Anyhow, if you get a chance to check the fair you should hit it up and hit it up hard.

Lets talk about the earthquake.....My first earthquake. 5.8 is not a bad rumble for a first quake. I was standing by the copy machine at work, very Office Space moment, and had no idea an quake was a rumblin. I seriously thought it was the taco's from last night. I felt all woozy, disoriented and thought i was hallucinating. Then the copier came at me and I shit my pants. The hole place just shook like Mrs. Websters gullet after Sunday Brunch. At that moment the 49 year old career cash handler ran from her office screaming earthquake. It was the first time that even occurred to me, i thought i was just really losing my shit. I almost fell over my lets were so weak. It was the same feeling I felt when I saw the clowns on the mini motor cycles at the formentioned circus. In all honesty, it was scary as hell. The entier earth shook, it was one of the most surreal feelings i have ever felt. Not very cool for sure. But shit didn't break so it was totally awsome! (think Wild Stallions awsome)

So thats the short update, there is some seriously cool shit I have to post but i don't want to bunch it in with this lame ass post. It is way to cool for that.

So I'm back and it is because of the Damn O's

I hate Baltimore sports teams. Certain friends of mine choose to ruin society with their support of the O's and it caused me to speak out. See, I have been having one of those great Fornia (see Calif...) mornings, perfect. Got up, saw the frey off to work, ran to the ocean, watched some US Surf Open, came home, showered at pool, hit pool, ignored the chunky girls at the pool, and back to the apt to check out some Espn. Love that kind of morning. See, in NY I would just be getting home. Like Bobsled (whom I just called to get permission to desecrate our desecrated site) whom just got in from last night (note 3pm EST). Damn I miss the hatten sometimes. But again, days like this never happened either.

So I check My email and find an email from a dear friend spaulding. It contained such heanous images that I was forced to reactivate. By reactivate you should be thinking along the lines of Rambo liquidating a man in a jeep with a 50 calibur machine gun. Anyhow, here is the crap I was emailed this morning:

Some people just don't get it. Lady liberty obviously is one of them if this is the case. However, it is not the case. What you see is not lady liberty at all. It is Molly liberty, the cracked out hooker from Baltimore whom left her mother lady in an unbenounced adobption by Bielzebub (spelling.....what, like you have tired to spell it lately). Go ahead and keep her Baltimore! I'm headed down to Joe's Pizza to watch the Yankees destroy the Redsox and tie those bastards for 2nd!

So yes, I will be updating my life on this site again and no it won't be anything good. Have a great day and make it better than Bobsled's. Goodnight sweet prince.

Incidentally, this will be the last time I ever comment on the O's. It's just not worth it.....

Dreamin' Bout Heavin' But Feel Like Hell

It's official. I am a traitor. Today I ventured into the dark depths of the California DMV. As my rent payments for my Union Square apartment (tear) are through I am officially not a New York Resident. That sucks because I feel that my NY residence made me better than the rest of the puff balls out here. I mean, I still rock the Giants Hat, drive like a madman, blast Biggie, and inevitably move the fuck back home but this is still a tough step for me.

All told, Santa Monica ran a pretty tight ship on the DMV department. Much friendlier than the New York lot at least. Only issue was that they made me take the drivers test once again. Shit, this could be complicated. Luckily I flirted with the test desk woman (think 47 year old 215lb black woma with purple fingernails longer than my tibula) and she smiled while sliding me the exam "This is the easy one sweetie....". My hospitality training and boyish good looks paid off once more. I rocked the motherfucker.

So I went to a NY Giants Santa Monica Fan Club meeting at a local bar this Sunday. Wow, was it lame. There were 8 guys in a quiet bar and 1 60 year old woman wearing a Giants hat. One of the awsome fans was reading a comic book. Jessica and I were not amused. I missed going to my favorite football bar for this? After 2 Fat Tires (10am) and a few texts to The Frey it was decided we would dip at half time. I of course told a lie, something about budget season and having to go to the office......whatever, we were the hell out of there. Straight out to my favorite Football Spot on the Promenade (not that gay place Yankee Doodle for you West Side Readers - all 0 of you). Much better, it was loud I drank a bitcher of dark ass beer and cheered on the rest of the Giants' shitty ass game. As my buzz was reaching a peak I see a few of the Giants Fan Club coming into the bar staring at me. Shit. The truth, why don't I ever tell the truth! One was not amused whatssoever (Mets Jersey and yamika) while the other was like, I don't bame you bro (bald, chunky, cheery, tequila drinking Shockey Jersey wearing). After I bought a few Beam shots it was all good. Either way, stupididty sturck again.....

So Tommy, What do you think of these pictrues?

Handsome Sports

Yes, that is LT seconds before he snapped the living shit out of Joe Theisman's pansy ass chicken let. Spaulding> I hope you still read the blog. Know you don't though. Dick. Redskins fan, nuf said. Ha Ha, Theisman actually signed the picture......for money. He's crippled and broke.

At the HBCC sports is seldom talked about unless it is from the 2am thursday night drunk ass ramblings from Bobsled after a nasty game of UWS kickball. Bobsled had a mowhawk. LT Had a mowhawk. Not a coincidence, both are bad ass mother fuckers. I know you are like, what the fuck.....this post is all in english. Jah, I am not a master at hipsterbonics like the sled. T-Rex Giants!

Oh right sports. The New York Giants are getting full support from the HBCC on the Left here. Last monday I had a meeting with the CFO of my company and could not talk because on Sunday, i got up at 9am and double fisted through the Giants / Skins (die redskins bitches) game. He asked if I was sick, I replied "Go Giants" in a pathetic hung over whisper. Then he ordered the Tuna Tartar.

Tonight the Higantes (spanich for the housekeeping team) (not a type-o) punished the Eagles like a kitten to the red dot of a lazer pointer. Pat Pat goes the paw. Down goes McNabb. Why the extra B? Bitch perhaps? So a quick shot to the moon for the NY Giants. So Blazed......

Actually, sadly, didn't take this>>


I also saw LCD Soundsystem at the Hollywood Bowl last week. Was so blazed in the lawn seats I just sat and imagined I was in Prospect Park.........then saw a bunch of Hollywooders talking poo on NEW..............(York). Jerks.


So My boy owns a Dispensory out her in the LA. Yeah, I have a free ticket to the 'Dam every day. I usually chill there after work on fridays where inevitably I visit the volcano with some rediculous OG. Wow, blog turned from sports, to cat in sports themed garbage can, to the dreams of my highschool/college days. Seriously, thirty + types of kittens to choose from, sheesh, and edibles. Holy god it is like T-Rex finding a My Little Pony!!!!!! Watched the UCLA game there yesterday and nearly lunched. Handsome out..................................MEOW

Oh yeah, I also let one slip from the Clip the other day @ Trader Joes (farted). I was walking with my cart towards some tasty Jarlsberg Cheese and crossed the Janitors Mop Jetstream. I slid suddenly and it provoked a slight toot from ole Powderfinger (yes, a neil young / anal reference....not as bad as you think)......I was imbarassed until I realized only a 38 year old Chinese Lady/Girl *38 is a tough year* heard me. I am pretty sure I winked and walked off. I actually think I grabbed the Jarlsberg, avoided eye contact, and Heisman'd my way through the next isle. Word.

UTAHRAPTOR

not sure if you've ever noticed or not, but I'm a huge fan of things that are just completely random. for instance, here I am, blogging, and I'm liable to just say...spaghetti and meatballs...for no fucking reason whatsoever.

just do it. that's nike's motto. mine is more like, it's just blogging, why be so serious all the time, or at all? it's kind of a long motto and it's more of a question that a declarative statement, but couldn't 'just do it' be interpreted as 'just do it?'

anyways, my favorite bit of randomness right now is dinosaurs. for a minute it was dragons, in honor of the most amazing movie ever made, dragon wars. but now it's talking dinosaurs. that's because my good friend clued me into these little babies over at Qwantz.com

click to ENlarge and ENjoy.
HBCC love.